Best of 2014

Movies



1. Cold In July

Honestly I'd have to watch Cold In July and Blue Ruin again to determine which was better. And then I'd have to watch again, in reverse order, months later on a day with the same weather, daylight and food/water satiation just to be fair. I don't have time for that shit so the top spot goes to Cold In July. 

2. Blue Ruin

Because the whole time I was watching Cold In July I was thinking, "What the garbage shit?, there's a movie better than GD (which stands for God Damn) Blue Ruin after I was already convinced it was the MF'ing (Malleable Foofarahing) best movie of the year. Is this some Tara Lipinski beating Michelle Kwan in the 1998 Winter Olympics because of skating order BS (Best Skating)?

3. Gone Girl

Why is no one talking about Carrie Coon? Yeah you noticed Rosamund Pike, the titular star, ace follower of basic plots are you. Fine, Tyler Perry was great, despite accidentally being in the movie. But Ben Affleck's penis was barely in it and NPH didn't show any signs of Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus so this year belongs to Coon.

4. Under The Skin

Approximately a million years ago I asked Marissa for a book that was "kinda weird". She gave me Under The Skin by Michel Faber. When I heard they were making a movie I couldn't wait to see the pig people. They changed it so much there weren't pig people. Still good though!

5. Guardians of the Galaxy

This year belongs to Coon.




Television




1. Rick and Morty

Hearing that Community's Dan Harmon created a cartoon with Justin Roiland and wrote for it while he was fired from Community made me think, "Oh great, a side project. That could be good. Oh, by the way: I know this is your internal thoughts but I thought it may be important to point out that this sentiment is sincere and not sarcastic". Well, those well-qualified opinions severely underestimated this Marty McFly/Doc Brown re-imagining.

2. Broad City

I've already seen people's uncomprehending comments about Broad City being so highly praised. I totally understand. Not in a patronizing "you don't get it" way but in a "I don't know why I get it" way. It was just really fucking funny.

3. Fargo

Everything people saw in True Detective that was actually garbage the writer thought was some deep shit people were going to freak over, Fargo delivered with humor, finesse and non-McConaissance speed-bumping.

4. Nathan For You

Dumb Starbucks was the best episode of any show this year. Not least of all because it was the most anticipated show this side of The Puppy Episode that actually lived up to the hype.

5. Girls

The funniest season of Girls bored some critics because they have to write essays about television. That's how they live.

Songs

1. Wait For A Minute - tUnE-yArDs



2. Lariat - Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks



Also wins for best album.

3. Shake It Off - Taylor Swift



Taylor Swift's hum face looks like an adorable bat.



4. All About That Bass - Meghan Trainor



I've read people complaining about "skinny-shaming" in this song. Isn't that like male privilege? Yeah, sure, you might have a point there. But you should probably shut the fuck up about it.

5. I'm Not Part of Me - Cloud Nothings




Books



1. King Dork Tentatively - Frank Portman

I just found out a couple of weeks ago this sequel to one of my favorite books existed. So, in all honesty, I haven't finished it. But unless the last chapters were randomly typed by a monkey it's probably great.

2. This One Summer - Mariko Tamaki
3. A Few Seconds of Radiant Filmstrip: A Memoir of Seventh Grade - Kevin Brockmeier
4. Andre the Giant: Life and Legend - Box Brown
5. Live From New York: The Complete, Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live as Told by Its Stars, Writers, and Guests - James Andrew Miller and Tom Shales

Podcasts



1. Harmontown

They made a movie of this podcast:



2. You Talkin U2 To Me?

Part of the joke about this podcast about U2 is that it's barely about U2. The other part is that the hosts Adam Scott and Scott Aukerman really love U2 and their enthusiasm is contagious. I still don't like U2.

3. Stop Podcasting Yourself
4. How Did This Get Made?
5. Serial

Have you heard about it?