Once again I'm ranking every movie I saw from this year, starting from the bottom. So "Best" might not be the right title at this point. I don't want to say Worst, however, and I don't feel like the onus should be on the movie. These are the Michael Made The Wrong Choice Movies of 2025.
80. Ash
I have a disability to think ahead in a movie. When someone calls a movie predictable the best I can do is, after the fact, think, "yes, I suppose it was". I have anti-anticipation syndrome. It's a problem. But I was so far ahead of Ash that I knew no animals were harmed in the the making of this movie.
79. The Long Walk
Just like two years ago the second to last movie is a horror film a lot of people like. But The Long Walk holds your hand too much in telling its story and I'm just not into that kind of PDA. I like a movie that puts its hand in my back pocket so its touching my butt but also, kinda not?
78. Death of a Unicorn
I don't know if anything worked in this movie. In fact, it's shockingly high on this list and we just started. But I like what I wrote about the Skinamarink and The Long Walk parallel so DoaU gets some bullshit grade inflation.
77. Love Hurts
I resolve to stop watching movies early in the year just to watch a current movie. The beginning of the year will now be used to catch up on older movies. Like how I watched 107 movies from the 70s this year.
76. Marshmallow
Nobody makes sense in this movie so the whole time you're thinking either there's a revelation that makes it make sense or it's all dumb. But even if there's a revelation, was it worth it to be frustrated that whole time? Huh Marshmallow, was it worth it?
75. The Naked Gun
I've seen this on some best-of lists. People say you need to see a comedy in the theater because the laughter around you will heighten the experience. I don't know, I tend to agree with Portuguese poet Fernando Pessoa who said, "The laughter of fools is the pronouncement of madness".
74. F1: The Movie
I was one of the few to dislike Top Gun: Maverick very much and now there's this. It's enough to strike fear in my heart whenever I hear director Joseph Kosinski's name, if only I could commit it to memory.
73. Clown in a Cornfield
Ha, take that Jason Kaczynski. Your movie is one marissa-michael blog unit worse than a movie called Clown in a Cornfield (to be sung to the tune of Girlfriend in a Coma).
72. AJ Goes to the Dog Park
After watching The Naked Gun I tried out this micro-budget ZAZ-type comedy. The amateur charm makes it slightly better. I amuses me that a lot of the bad reviews for this movie are from people that went to the same "mystery movie" showing thinking they might be seeing, as one person says, something like the new Jurassic World movie. It's like what Fernando Pessoa said: "Despondency follows those whose only hope is [for dinosaurs]".
71. KPop Demon Hunters
People like this too. I like to supply a second opinion so you can be informed. I had a problem with the story, animation and songs. Some people accepted those elements.
70. Found Footage
I had a problem with The Watchers because it used the trope of someone walking away from a place only to find themselves back there. Scary[sarcastic]! This otherwise mediocre movie gets extra points for making fun of that by having the characters try different methods of beating it. In one, they try spinning in circles while walking away. It made me laugh. That makes it Movie Scene of 2025 #10.
69. Becoming Led Zeppelin
I don't have any special interest in Led Zeppelin. Neither, it seems, does Led Zeppelin. It's understandable they would be bored telling their story yet again but it didn't help sell their music to me. Someone once described skateboarding as an activity requiring the most skill for the least payoff. Led Zeppelin is the skateboarding of music.
68. John Candy: I Like Me
I'm tired of biodocs where the general tone is sadness. I don't need slow, treacly piano music in a movie about a comedian. Yes he died young but who wants a movie about someone's life that's mostly about their death? It feels like what the poet Pessoa said, "My life: a tragedy booed off the stage by the gods after only the first act". No, I mean it. I made up the other ones but that one was real!
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