Like I said last year I don't listen to music anymore but I looked at all the best of lists and here is what caught my ear.
1. Mammoth Penguins - Here
This wasn't on any lists but I thankfully caught it. Remember I named Chappell Roan's album the best last year and then it took off in popularity. Prepare for 2025 to be the year of Mammoth Penguins.
2. Doechii - Alligator Bites Never Heal
As someone outside the music scene I have to assume songs about Nissans were all of the sudden popular this year?
and Nx Worries – 86 Sentra:
3. Being Dead - EELS
To show how out of touch I am, when I saw this on best of lists I was surprised The Eels had a hit record this year. Looking it up they merely have a record this year (it sounds fine). No, this is Being Dead. I looked for this album at the record store I used to frequent and they didn't have it so I'm cool.
4. MICHELLE - Songs About You Specifically
I don't know what this band is and I'm not looking it up. Are they a girl group? Different members seem to take turns singing a song. Is that what I think a girl group is?
5. Samara Cyn -
Because there should be more music videos on bicycles:
The best movie bringing together true crime and game shows since The Supermarket Sweep Massacre.
38. Cuckoo
A family goes to a mountain resort in the off season, with the youngest exhibiting unusual abilities. It's not the Shining, though, because this off season is in the summer. Geez, when are mountain resorts open? They're good for, like, three weeks and the rest of the time it's for supernatural activity.
37. The Substance
Another loved movie. It's very good. We're in the very good range now. But I could see this being a Tales From The Crypt from the 90s. Not a bad thing! Also, part two of the Margaret Qualley 2024 Trilogy.
36. Perfect Days
Another cusp movie that has been on best of lists last year and this year. It's about a man who cleans bathrooms, has a couple of interactions, learns more about himself and then the movie ends. It's magic!
35. The Beekeeper
The lesser action movie this year about a senior getting scammed over the internet. It still ranks pretty high so I think this might be the biggest action movie formula since Die Hard on a [blank].
34. Monkey Man
The kid from Slumdog Millionaire is directing movies. And the little girl at the end of Wax's California video has a movie with Pamela Anderson in theaters now. Show me any part of that sentence that isn't interesting.
33. Emilia Perez
The highest rated musical on my list. I'll see Wicked eventually. I just found out it's written by Winnie Holzman, creator of My So-Called Life!
32. I Like Movies
This is a two year old Canadian movie. What's the deal. Canada? I thought we were friends. Russia got it a year and a half ago!?
31. Freaknik: The Wildest Party Never Told
A large street party in Atlanta in the 90s, this documentary had to rely on footage people took at the time with camcorders. So it's 90% booty shaking. Five stars.
30. Laroy, Texas
I haven't seen anyone mention this movie, I only saw it on a list of Rotten Tomatoes movies with 100% good reviews. It makes sense, it's an easy to like, hard to love Coen-y, Red Rock West-type movie.
29. Lisa Frankenstein
Yes, it happened again. A Diablo Cody-penned horror comedy gets mixed reviews but is actually really good.
28. Mr. Crocket
Not a lot of people liked this horror movie about a killer Picture Pages-esque show.
Imagine if that was hosted by a bad man. Frightening.
27. Maxxxine
I'd have to watch them all again but I think this is my favorite of the trilogy. Common consensus puts it as the worst. This section is becoming Michael's Horror Hot Takes!
26. Civil War
The better/worse of the war photographer movies this year. I thought this one was superior/inferior. I'm watching Lee tomorrow and this is a place holder. This has number three in the top ten scenes list, The Jesse Plemons scene:
There are two movies named Monster this year. This is not to be confused with movies named Monster from previous years. This is not the Charlize Theron one. You'd think once a movie wins an Oscar they'd maybe own that title, unofficially anyway. But after that there was an A$AP Rocky Monster and a few others. This one is directed by Rako Prijanto.
53. Late Night With The Devil
The ultimate movie in fake TV shows on Halloween is the WNUF Halloween Special.
This one doesn't quite reach the heights of that one. It needed more fake commercials.
52. Hundreds of Beavers
People are very enthusiastic about this one. I have unearned pride that the makers are from Wisconsin. But a lot of the gags don't work. I'll repeat what I told the Skinamarink people, it's perfectly acceptable for your movie to be 70 minutes long.
51. In A Violent Nature
It was always a mystery what Jason Voorhees was doing when he was off screen. Especially when a kill required some set up. This movie shows he just falls ass-backwards into murder.
50. Sometimes I Think About Dying
I don't know when an understated movie where nothing happens turns from boring to good. It's like magic. Sometimes I Think About Dying is magic.
49. A Quiet Place: Day One
On the other end, a movie with monsters that will kill you if you make a sound is immediately compelling. I could watch scenes of people trying to be quiet over and over again. It can't miss!
48. It's What's Inside
This is a multiple-bodies swap movie. I'm sure there was a lot of planning on how to keep it from being confusing to the viewer on who was who. I was still confused.
47. Wicked Little Letters
I could watch Jessie Buckley and Olivia Colman read the phone book but those don't exist anymore. So I'll settle for them reading rude words in this movie.
46. Babes
McMahon reaction meme: Stars Ilana Glazer. Directed by Pamela Adlon! That's it. Just the first two frames of that meme.
45. Will & Harper
There's a lot of horror movies on this list but I don't know if I was more scared than when Will Farrell and newly transitioned Harper Steele go into a rural Texas bar.
44. The End We Start From
Between this and The Bikeriders, Jodie Comer might be my Best New Artist. No, I never watched Killing Eve!
43. Late Bloomers
I watched a non-2024 film called Dual with Karen Gillan and she was great in that movie too. Best New Artist goes to Karen Gillan if I hadn't already knew her from Guardians of the Galaxy. No, I never watched Doctor Who!
42. Robot Dreams
Is Robot Dreams the best animated movie this year that features a purchased robot stuck on a beach? I don't know, I only watched the first four minutes of The Wild Robot. But a dog lives in 80s New York City in this one. That gives it a leg up. Heh.
41. My Old Ass
There's a scene in My Old Ass where Aubrey Plaza hugs Chad and it's the most touching moment in a movie this year. I give it my second top ten scene (scene unavailable).
40. The First Omen
The is the movie that bested Immaculate with it's similarness. It got me back on the religious horror bandwagon which I was so sick of. Religion isn't scary except for the real world terrifying things it does. But I'm glad it makes you more at ease. Worth it.
There's a little bit of forest in this but not enough and I don't know if I buy the ending. Come back to me with these revisions and we can reassess, Out of Darkness.
69. Sting
This isn't about the singer but rather space spiders. Frankly I would have preferred a feature length exploration into whatever this is:
68. Snack Shack
The best part of this movie is a scene where one of the main characters falls down the stairs. Now usually that's not my kind of humor but I'm pretty sure it's real and it's the actor falling. It made me laugh so much. I don't have the clip handy but if you have Amazon Prime and go to 48:10 could you let me know if you think that's a mistake they just left in or not?
67. Femme
Do you wish the guy from 1917 was constantly going to maybe beat up the man he's seeing? Have I got the movie for you!
66. Stopmotion
If I can't see The Primevals anywhere
this movie will have to do. The stopmotion creatures are real creepy,
65. Parachute
I had to look this movie up more than once to remember which one it is. That might be damning but when I was reminded I had positive thoughts. So for the poster they can use: Enjoyable characters if you can recall them.
64. Milk and Serial
A YouTube found footage horror movie that made a splash. But one of those Olympic athlete diver splashes where it just goes 'splip'.
63. The Remarkable Life of Ibelin
Hard to not like this documentary about a man's online life while confined to a wheelchair. Even if I didn't like it I couldn't say so without sounding like a jerk. Probably shouldn't even mention that, now I sound insincere. Look, forget the whole thing. The movie's garbage, what do I care?
62. Fanatical: The Catfishing of Tegan and Sara
Did any review of this use the lede "Everything is not awesome..." because that would be terrible and they should be ashamed.
61. Trap
The sequel to this could be 2 Trap: Part 2 because it's a palindrome and at the same time very clever.
60. Breakin' On The One
There's a big debate on who won this break dancing battle but I still only remember The Rocksteady Crew name so I think that's the answer. This is a documentary short (45 minutes) so does it even belong in this list? Yes. I mean, it's here.
59. Brats
Watching this was the extent of my Brat Summer.
58. Road House
I think it did a good job of capturing the ridiculousness of the original. Conor McGregor was good, too bad he sucks. The line, "who taught you shapes?" made me laugh.
57. Frankie Freako
From the Psycho Goreman director, more bad on purpose wackiness. That's hard to do!
56. The People's Joker
Very ambitious for the budget. I probably missed a lot of comic book references. Lots of creative touches like bleeping someone's dead name until it's used as a weapon.
55. The Bikeriders
My only problem with this movie is they say their Chicago-based Motorcycle club hung out with another club from Milwaukee on their way to Columbus. Was Columbus, Wisconsin a destination for any reason for a Motorcycle club? Did they mean Columbus, Ohio, which is the opposite direction from Milwaukee? I just needed some clarification. Thanks.
I knew this whole story. A good measure of a documentary might be if reading the Wikipedia would be quicker and just as satisfying. Since the subject is naked the whole time the documentary wins out. Barely.
83. Riddle of Fire
This is the kind of movie you root for. It looks pretty, it's weird. Lio Tipton is in it, one of my favorite contestants on America's Next Top Model. One of the kids needs to be subtitled even though he's speaking English. Hmm, I'm making some pretty good points. Maybe I should give Riddle of Fire another shot.
82. Drive Away Dolls
Separating the Coen Brothers isolated the goofy and the gravitas. This is from the goofy one. At least it started the Margaret Qualley 2024 trilogy,
81. La Chimera
This was on some best of lists last year so it's one of those cusp movies. How about we make a rule that a movie isn't "released" until it's been out on DVD for six months?
80. Lovely, Dark, and Deep
Sometimes a review will praise the beautiful scenery in a movie which I always found strange. Really, who cares? But lately if a movie is in a forest you're half way to good movie for me. That puts this one 60% there.
79. Carol Doda Topless at the Condor
Amazon Prime really thinks I'm interested in unclothed-related documentaries now that I watched this and they don't even know about Hulu's The Contestant.
78. Twisters
One of the few movies the whole family watched together this year. They didn't really like it. The ease in which they can find tornadoes was enjoyable though.
77. Suncoast
This and the next movie were released in those lean days of early 2024 when it was either watch this or go sledding with the children or something.
76. Self-Reliance
This was the first movie to be released this year like M3GAN was last year. That's why we were all doing that viral Self-Reliance dance last winter.
75. Don't Move
In October I was watching a horror movie a day when Netflix released this. It's a cat and mouse game where the mouse is paralyzed. A worthy entry in Don't horror movies (Don't Go In To The Woods... Alone!, Don't Open 'Til Christmas, Don't Panic).
74. Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person
I've watched so many French-language movies this year I'm pretty sure I'm fluent. Let me try:
73. The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed
Now is the time in this list for movies with very long titles.
72. Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
Even good reviews just seemed happy this wasn't terrible. I was a little less enthusiastic than that. The way they handled the Jeffery Jones problem while still making him a pretty significant character was wild.
71. The Taste of Things
I made the mistake of watching this right after seeing 1987's Babette's Feast for the first time. They both imply food is an art that brings people together but really it's just an annoying chore to get over with so you can do real things. I don't know how they missed that.
Just like last year I'm going to rank every movie I saw this year that came out in said year. I went a little overboard on movies in a year people are calling "weak". But how can a year be weak? That sounds like an oxymoron if you say it out loud and don't read it!
100. Deer Camp '86
Sometimes you watch a movie and wonder if the filmmakers had ever seen a movie before. This movie is so by-the-numbers cliched that they clearly have seen a movie but should maybe consider seeing 5 or 6 more so they don't vomit out a facsimile.
99. Under Paris
I don't know how you felt about that metaphor but at least I didn't go with diarrheaing out a mimeograph. It's less elegant. Anyway, the French movie Under Paris is like vomiting out a mime.
98. The Idea of You
Hey!, a movie with stars. Anne Hathaway is great. It's directed by Michael Showalter. I guess you could say I like the idea of this movie. The best movie criticism is title references.
97. Jackpot!
Top prize does not go to Jackpot!, a similar comedy with talented people that doesn't work. John Cena is good though. Add this movie to my list of exclamation point movies I've seen:
Airplane!
The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!
Top Secret!
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!
¡Three Amigos!
Mars Attacks!
That Thing You Do!
Baadasssss!
Saved!
Anvil! The Story of Anvil
The Informant!
SLC Punk!
Viva Knievel!
Zero Hour!
Return of the Killer Tomatoes!
Foodfight!
Gotcha!
Great Balls of Fire!
Machete Maidens Unleashed!
Zapped!
Eaten Alive!
Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
Everybody Wants Some!!
Hail, Caesar!
Mother!
Silent Night Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!
Banned from Broadcast: Saiko! The Large Family
Salaam Bombay!
Yes, Madam!
1982: Greatest Geek Year Ever!
Jackpot!
96. Madame Web
This movie got a lot of grief this year but it didn't seem any more silly and stupid than other superhero movies.
95. Sasquatch Sunset
Like something Philip Seymour Hoffman says Lester Bangs says in Almost Famous, "Madame Web is a drunken buffoon, Sasquatch Sunset has the courage to be a drunken buffoon." Still bad though. Except! It has a top ten scene in it:
94. Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire
Rumor has it they only called in Frozen Empire so they could bring back the Slimer water ice confection.
The people won't stand for a frozen treat tie-in that's unearned.
93. The Watchers
I request we never have a scene in a horror movie where a person runs away from a place only to find themselves back in that place even though they seemingly ran directly away from it. It takes too much agency away from the character. Plus I totally know how they did that, they just went back and filmed in the original location. Cheap!
92. I.S.S.
I Suck Shit wouldn't be an accurate backronym. I.S.S. isn't an acronym but rather an initialism. Also, it's fine so maybe I'm Sanguinely Satisfactory is the renitialism.
Something didn't seem right about this movie until I read that it was fused together from 13 parts of a Quibi series. Wait, if a 2020 series is just reassembled in 2024 did it really come out this year? A real Ship of Theseus problem. If you squint.
89. Modernism, Inc.: The Eliot Noyes Design Story
Documentaries about designers love to tell you how your life is sooooo different and you don't even know it and how you'd still be riding a bike with one giant wheel and one tiny wheel if it wasn't for some visionary genius. I've got an invention for you: It's called a Mouth Shutter and it will be elegant in its form and function.
88. Jacqueline Novak: Get On Your Knees
This is a stand-up special but it's feature length and I was interested in upping my numbers in early 2024 when there aren't a lot of movies coming out. Cheap!
87. Butterfly In The Sky: The Story of Reading Rainbow
People talk about whether a movie is "cinematic" and this is especially a problem with documentaries. BITS: TSRR would be a fine show to watch on PBS one night but you can skip the Ultrascreen DLX with Laser Projection in Dolby Atmos screening.
86. Abigail
A lot of horror movies here at the bottom. This is one horror fans seems to like. Here's the thing: I had a dissimilar reaction to it.
85. Immaculate
This might be good but I saw The First Omen first and they are very similar. Sorry, Immaculate, you get the Kick-Ass/Super prize for Good But Second (Super is better).
Unranked movies: I forgot I saw Still: A Michael J. Fox movie, which is great. The Mission was too late and wasn't worth it anyway. Silver Dollar Road was fine.
10. Are You There God? It's Me Margaret
I didn't read any Judy Blume growing up but I was vaguely aware the book was about periods but surely about other things. Nope, just about periods and the movie's subject matter is fertile ground from which flows comedy and drama, at times heavy and other times spotty... I'm sorry. These write-ups have become quite a project.
9. BlackBerry
This is the superior "buy-o-pic" of the year. Funnier than Air. It made me want the Blackberry to succeed even though I also didn't care about this product. I don't even think I had a smartphone yet at the point this movie ends. Is there going to be a Google+ movie? I had that from the beginning.
8. Blue Jean
Are people tired of gay stories where the drama comes from being in the closet? I don't know, it still works and this film takes place in 1988 so I'll allow it.
7. Talk to Me
Sometimes there's a consensus stand out horror movie of the year and for a bit it looked like this was the one. But there were too many good ones.
6. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
This movie didn't even have an ending and it's this high. But I love when a movie ends even when I'm enjoying it. So wait, did I like this more because it ended early or less because it never ended? I don't know!
5. Full Time
This movie was like Run Lola Run except it's just a lady trying to live her life. And there's no techno or threat of death? I don't really remember Run Lola Run, maybe I'm thinking of Logan's Run.
4. No One Will Save You
I have to admit I didn't notice there was no dialogue. This is the best horror movie of the year except some people are calling the next three movies horror.
3. Leave the World Behind
This feels like Don't Look Up or Birdbox or any of those Netflix movies that people hate now. Why are people so filled with hate?
2 ½. Poor Things
The other late addition movie. I was afraid this was going to be one of those 'dumb person teaches us about ourselves' movies like Forrest Gump or Being There. But this one has more weird sex, cadavers and monstrosities.
2. Beau Is Afraid
Speaking of, that attic scene! Here was my feeling watching Beau Is Afraid. The first hour is amazing. The second hour I was thinking, 'don't blow this movie, I loved you' and the third hour I thought, 'good enough!, you stuck the landing'. Maybe with a little hop.
1. Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One
I don't like this anymore than you do. A Tom Cruise blockbuster that's the seventh movie in the franchise is the best movie of the year. It's a real bummer. I wish it was something cool like Godzilla Minus One, popular like Killers of the Flower Moon or Past Lives. Maybe Anatomy of a Fall or The Zone of Interest, I don't know which of those two is which. But it's this dumb movie that's better then anything else I saw this year with great direction, exciting action sequences, great humor, interesting characters and a propulsive plot. Oh well, maybe next year.
