Best Movies of 2025 #15-1

If you're good with numbers you noticed there was no number 55. That's because I accidentally skipped the movie The Life of Chuck, which I had at number 69. Don't worry, it makes sense. I have now seen The Fantastic Four: First Steps. Put it somewhere between The Toxic Avenger and Wake Up, Dead Man. The 60's setting helps A LOT. I watched the documentaries The Alabama Solution and Folktales. The Alabama Solution is about Alabama's prison problem. Folktales is from the people that did Jesus Camp and it's about the opposite of that, a dog sled camp. Both movies are good.

15. Eephus

This movie is about a recreational baseball game. It's the last time they're playing on this particular field. The game goes later than expected. That's it. Good stuff!

14. I'm Still Here

This isn't the Joaquin Phoenix fake documentary movie of the same name. This also isn't I'm Not There, the Bob Dylan movie or I'm Not Here, a J.K. Simmons thing. She’s Still Here? That's some Mickey Rourke movie. I don't even think it was released. There's no way you're confusing it with that. Quit fooling around, this is a true political thriller.

13. Final Destination Bloodlines

This is the superior tower restaurant horror movie of 2025. It's just the opening scene but it's a great one. That's kind of this movie franchise's whole deal. It's one the year's top ten movie scenes, which I forgot I initially started numbering:

 

12. Vulcanizadora

When this got added to Kanopy, the free-with-a-library-card streaming site, I'd never heard of it. There's a lot of walking in the woods so it's what I like.

11. Weapons 

Along with Sinners this was the consensus stand out horror movie of the year. I've got three better but it does have one of the best scenes of the year. It's the ending though so it would be a spoiler to post it here.

10. The Rule of Jenny Penn

This is the third in my Old Folks Home Trilogy this year. John Lithgow bullies the other residents and it's sooo easy. Because they're old.

9. On Becoming a Guinea Fowl

This movie starts with the main character dressed as Missy Elliott when she finds the body of her uncle in the road. Slow down movie, you're grabbing me too hard.

8. The Ugly Stepsister 

I've always heard the Grimm's Fairy Tales are darker than the Disney versions. I knew the bit where the stepsister cuts some of her foot off to fit into the shoe. I don't know if the Grimm's had eye trauma and tape worms (best scene number, oh let's say 4) like this movie but here's hoping.

7. Pavements

Your enjoyment of this 75% (?) true story about the band Pavement is surely dependent on your interest in Pavement.  I mean, dialing it all the way back, your enjoyment of this may depend on how well you process moving images.

6. A House of Dynamite

I feel like this is a can't miss premise, a nuclear missile is headed to the US, but that's probably taking too much away from director Kathryn Bigelow. Some people have a problem with the ending like they have some great denouement endowment.

5. Hard Truths

This was on a lot of lists last year but it came out this year so I don't know how they did that. Actually, here, I'll do it too. Greenland 2: Migration is the best movie of 2025. See how easy it is to cheat?

4. 28 Years Later

The best horror movie of the year, its sequel comes out in a couple of weeks. So I'm declaring that the best horror movie of this year. Time has no meaning!

3. Misericordia

This is a French movie that I'd never heard of until it was listed as a new arrival at the library. It ended up being my favorite movie of the year at that point. So now I have to watch all movies in hopes for finding the best ones. One of the deaths in this movie is my 3rd best scene of the year because it shocked me so much. I was shocked!

2. One Battle After Another

Well, it was fun there for awhile hating on Paul Thomas Anderson. Mostly because There Will Be Blood isn't very good. Here he's made a chase movie, a genre he should probably stick with. It seems to be in his wheelhouse. Maybe get involved with that Hot Wheels movie. Number 2 best scene isn't the car chase but the foot chase. Maybe there could be a Skip-It movie. 

1. Sorry, Baby

The lead in this, Eva Victor, is so good I thought for sure she's been around, probably on some show that's talked about but I've never seen. Looking it up, she was on Billions which fits that description. She's also the director and writer of Sorry, Baby. That makes her the stand out artist of the year! Best scene of the year is the jury selection scene.

Best Televison of 2025

5. The English Teacher

This was cancelled. The lead might be a bad person. The jokes were funny though! 

4. Pee-Wee As Himself

This is a documentary in two parts, which makes it a TV show. If they kept it as one piece it would have been a movie and Hacks would be in the top five. Sorry Hacks, people like multi-part documentaries now.

3. The White Lotus

It's been awhile. I think I liked waiting to see if Jason Isaacs would kill himself every episode? Plus this blog has to mention Carrie Coon every year. Carrie Coon is good in this!

2. The Pitt

Just like the movie Dead of Winter it's nice to see people be competent. I could have done with less lines like, "Mr. Rodgers? The children's show? Filmed right here in Pittsburgh?" that are speaking directly to the audience. Usually when the TV speaks directly to me it just tells me to burn things.

1. Dying For Sex

This is a true story based on a podcast. Which explains those long Hello Fresh dinner scenes and why Michelle Williams never removes her Me Undies even though the show is about sex. Some liberties were taken, as the Wikipedia entry says "she did not break her femur kicking a partner's penis or have her pet visit her in hospital". You can't believe anything anymore!

Best Movies of 2025 #28-16

28. Train Dreams

This is on a lot of best of lists. My only problem is, especially with all those 70s movies, this was the millionth man surviving on the frontier movie I saw. The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams, Jeremiah Johnson, Dersu Uzala. Even in Carnal Knowledge Art Garfunkel makes a friend with a bear in the third act!

27. Caught Stealing

I never watched The Whale but all the reviews said this is Darren Aronofsky having fun again. I'm not sure when Aronofsky was having fun (Mother!?) but, sure, this was fun.

26. The Surfer

Nicolas Cage won't leave a parking lot and therefore goes insane. No, watching the movie won't make it make more sense to you and that's fine.

25. Sinners

You think I'm going to make that "history of black music" montage one of the scenes of the year. I'm not, but I appreciate the effort.

24. Eddington

People framed this as Ari Aster refusing to do a normal movie after the weirdness of Beau Is Afraid. It seemed pretty normal to me! There's no penis monster in this one.

23. One of Them Days

Here are the elements to any good movie: Shenanigans, everything happens on one day, that day is really hot. Do The Right Thing, Dazed and Confused, Dog Day Afternoon. It doesn't have to start with a D, just make it sweaty.

22. Nouvelle Vague

I can think of one other black and white movie about the making of a movie. Breathless can't compare to Plan 9 From Outer Space, though, so Ed Wood is better.

21. Dead of Winter

Never mind, make your movie cold. And the main character should be competent. It's so much more interesting that Emma Thompson knows what she's doing. And the bad guy should be a good shot. Just all around capable people.

20. Thunderbolts* The New Avengers

I forgot to watch The Fantastic Four before making this list. That would have been FOUR Pedro Pascal movies. I might have to start a list of movies I've seen with an asterisk in the title:

M*A*S*H 

*batteries not included

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex *But Were Afraid to Ask

Thunderbolts* 

19. Sly Lives! (aka The Burden of Black Genius)

I care about Sly and the Family Stone about as much as Led Zeppelin but this documentary made me interested. Also:

Airplane! 

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! 

Top Secret! 

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! 

¡Three Amigos! 

Mars Attacks! 

That Thing You Do! 

Baadasssss! 

Saved! 

Anvil! The Story of Anvil 

The Informant! 

SLC Punk! 

Viva Knievel! 

Zero Hour! 

Return of the Killer Tomatoes! 

Foodfight!

Gotcha!

Great Balls of Fire!

Machete Maidens Unleashed! 

Zapped!

Eaten Alive!

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Everybody Wants Some!!

Hail, Caesar!

Mother!

Silent Night Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!

Banned from Broadcast: Saiko! The Large Family

Salaam Bombay!

Yes, Madam!

1982: Greatest Geek Year Ever!

Jackpot!

 

Dig! XX

 

O Lucky Man!

Save The Dog! 

Oh, Hi! 

Sly Lives!

18. Flow

Because I watched this with my family it took approximately two months to watch in half hour increments. But there's a capybara in it so nothing could diminish my enjoyment.

17. Belén

This was the last 2025 movie I watched this year so thankfully it was good because I already started this list. 

16. Bring Her Back

This horror movie does to chewing on a knife what Psycho did for showers. You may continue to do it but in the back of your mind you'll be a little bit scared.

Best Movies of 2025 #40-29

40. Companion

The poster kinda gives away the reveal. Why not learn from The Thing poster where there isn't even a flashlight face in the movie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

39. Alien On Stage

This movie has been around for awhile but it just made its way around here. A bunch of bus employees put on a stage production of the movie Alien. Incidentally another poster that doesn't give anything away:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The eggs don't break like that. 

38. Art Spiegelman: Disaster Is My Muse

A documentary about the comic artist that gets minus points for barely mentioning Garbage Pail Kids.

37. Familiar Touch

An understated movie about a woman going into a memory care facility. Along with the book Heartwood, this was the second of a trilogy of adult care facility related media I experienced this year. Sounds like a trend piece waiting to happen. Yeah, you can have it.

36. Black Bag

This is the second Steven Soderbergh movie this year. Both written by Pewaukee's David Koepp. In fact, that city recently debuted their new slogan, "Koepp Up The Good Work!" It's pretty bad.

35. The Perfect Neighbor

A documentary made up of almost all body cam footage. I had the funny thought that they could have opened with the typical drone footage and then cut to a cop flying in the air. It's not a funny movie.

34. Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery

This is pretty low for a Rian Johnson movie. It's my anti-anticipation syndrome. I'm not trying to figure out a mystery as it's happening. Maybe I'm not watching right.

33. The Monkey

Much was made in the Mystery Science Theater 3000 community how this is the plot to a movie they watched called Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders. But that movie came out in 1996 and the Stephen King short story came out in 1980. So a rip-off of this movie came out 29 years ago. 

32. Nobody 2

This followed the Megan 2.0 path of being sillier. Is there a movie series that gets more serious? What if The Hangover movies had less and less laughs as they went on?

31. Mickey 17

Speaking of, Parasite was great and all but I think I like sillier Bong Joon Ho. Was Snowpiercer silly? The last people on Earth are all on a train? No, that's solid.

30. Sketch

The only movie on this list I watched twice. It's a family movie and after watching it I realized I should have watched it with my family. They liked it! 

29. Freaky Tales

A non-horror anthology movie is rare and this is a weird one. One story has two people doing okay in a rap battle with Too $hort? Another uses a real basketball game and player but imagines his family being brutally murdered during it? I think you need more knowledge of Oakland to get this movie and that's asking Too Mu¢h. I liked being confused actually.

Best Songs of 2025

These could be in any order, really. But I put them in kinda-sorta order of number of times I listened to them. There are no songs from my top albums, which is sorta-kinda on purpose. Those albums are filled with great songs. That's why I liked them best!

 10. The Catastrophe (Good Luck With That, Man) - Car Seat Headrest

9. Full of Feathers - Wide Orbit

8. No Way Out - Hunx and His Punx

7. Friday the 13th - Reverse Pathogen

6. Hard Drive, Ontario - Kiwi Jr.

5. mangetout - Wet Leg

4. Football - Youth Lagoon

3. Bonnet of Pins - Matt Berninger

2. Liquorice - Freak Slug 

1. Savanah - DRAMA

Best Movies of 2025 #54-41

54. Lilith Fair: Building a Mystery

I also read the oral history Lollapalooza: The Uncensored Story of Alternative Rock's Wildest Festival that came out this year so I was steeped in 90s music festival documentation. Usually a documentary has a bit at the end trying to justify why the subject matter was important. This movie is all end bit. 

53. Queer

I watched this months ago but I think the ayahuasca scene erased my memory of the rest of the movie anyway. That's not a detriment and it's the second top ten movie scene of the year:

52. Oh, Hi!

I'm sure people are saying the main character isn't sympathetic but it's a sitcom-y movie. These are the same people that complain that people are too mean to Jerry on Parks and Recreation. More importantly, this adds to movies I've seen with an exclamation point:

Airplane! 

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! 

Top Secret! 

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! 

¡Three Amigos! 

Mars Attacks! 

That Thing You Do! 

Baadasssss! 

Saved! 

Anvil! The Story of Anvil 

The Informant! 

SLC Punk! 

Viva Knievel! 

Zero Hour! 

Return of the Killer Tomatoes! 

Foodfight!

Gotcha!

Great Balls of Fire!

Machete Maidens Unleashed! 

Zapped!

Eaten Alive!

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Everybody Wants Some!!

Hail, Caesar!

Mother!

Silent Night Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!

Banned from Broadcast: Saiko! The Large Family

Salaam Bombay!

Yes, Madam!

1982: Greatest Geek Year Ever!

Jackpot!

 

Dig! XX

 

O Lucky Man!

Save The Dog! 

Oh, Hi! 

51. Spinal Tap II: The End Continues

For the record I rate the movies right after seeing them so this didn't get any extra bump after director Rob Reiner died. A completely good enough sequel.

50. Better Man

If you're a movie reviewer and you go with the angle that, actually, the fact that Robbie Williams chooses to be depicted as a chimpanzee isn't the most interesting thing about Better Man just give it up right now. Of course it's the most interesting thing about the movie. It's insane.

49. Jay Kelly

I know George Clooney didn't write Jay Kelly but it plays like his ode to being an elderly new parent.

48. Presence 

We got two Steven Soderbergh movies this year and somehow the haunted house one is the lesser one? 

47. Cunk On Life

This was the first 2025 movie I saw. From what I can tell people in the UK are tired of this lady's shtick but I, only just recently familiar with her shtick, am still on board.

46. Warfare

Just a straight up well-made re-enactment of a true event. If true crime re-enactments are still a thing on TV try to get director Alex Garland to do them, he's good. Plus you might get some A-list actors on them for a change:

 

45. Friendship

Encountering Tim Robinson on I Think You Should Leave first has left me permanently worried that he's going to go nuts in everything else I see him in. He mostly hasn't to the same degree. Still, he would be a bad choice for Jack Torrance in a Shining remake.

44. Universal Language: Une Langue Universelle

This was a recommendation from a podcast, from Alicia Tobin on Stop Podcasting Yourself. So now I can thank her for this movie and this moment that I listen to seasonally:

 

43. The Toxic Avenger

I was really looking forward to this one. The director made I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore, which was great. And I've been a fan of the original Toxic Avenger since my mom suggested we watch it 40 years ago. It turned out just fine and the scene in the fast food place is a top ten scene of the year. But it's not online so here's the original:

 

It's about the same. 

42. Vermiglio

One of those 107 70s movies I watched was The Tree of Wooden Clogs. Vermiglio is very similar. It's of course fine to make movies that are alike, especially if they're separated by 50 years, but I saw them within weeks of each other so your movie's bad.

41.  Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning

The previous one was my favorite movie of 2023. The first hour isn't good but great news! There's still 2 hours to go at that point. Everything after is pretty good. Take your pick if the submarine or airplane scene is the best. But it's one of them:

Best Albums of 2025

In the past I've looked at Best of the Year lists and picked my favorites from that because I don't listen to music anymore. Well, just like reading, I listen to music again! Except I only started the last week of September. So here are the best albums that came out since early fall.

5. The Rubber Teeth Talk by Daisy The Great

4. Backroads by Samara Cyn

3.  Pl*net F*tness by Pacing 

2. Swallow the Knife by Sir Chloe

1. Vice City Magic by Mustard Service 

Best Movies of 2025 #67-56

67. Hedda

Some critiques of this movie said it changed too much from the Ibsen play. I have the advantage of not knowing a single thing about the Ibsen play. After watching, I don't know if they should have made it closer to the play but they should have made it further away from this.

66. Marcella

An informative documentary about Italian cook Marcella Hazan that isn't especially cinematic. It made me want to try the Roast Chicken with lemons. Also, I like how they mention multiple times about removing the onions from her tomato sauce before serving. Get outta here onions!

65.  Last Breath

Cliched movie about the true story of a deep-sea diver whose electron transport chain is interrupted when oxygen isn't there as a final electron acceptor! Thrillingly, his cells resort to anaerobic means to generate ATP, but it's not efficient!

64. Novocaine

I saw a documentary years ago about people that aren't able to feel pain. It's also tied to your sense of urinary and bowel urgency so they had to set timers to remember to go to the bathroom. I can't remember if Novocaine, a movie about a man who can't feel pain, addresses this. Five stars if it did.

63. Heart Eyes

Sometimes a movie combines two things, like rom-com and slasher, disguising the fact that it's doing neither very well. That's fine, it works for M&M's and it sort of works for Heart Eyes.

62. The Materialists

This is only a rom-com so it's all laid bare. The movie suggests that women will throw themselves at you only for the fact that you're tall. I can assure them that there's some other factor that cancels out tallness but I'm not going to explore what it might be.

 61. War of The Worlds

This is on a lot of lists of worst movies of the year. I was entertained. Maybe not in the way the makers planned but you know I've always rejected authorial intent!

60. Superman

This is the first James Gunn movie I haven't been crazy about. He may be lost to DC like we lost Peter Jackson to Lord of The Rings or Florida to Burmese Pythons.

59. Drop

Not the best 2025 horror movie in a tower restaurant but firmly in the top two 2025 horror movies in a tower restaurant. 

58. The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

Maika Monroe plays Rebecca De Mornay. Upgrade. Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays Annabella Sciorra. Upgrade. Raul Castillo plays Matt McCoy. Downgrade. The kid is Mileiah Vega playing Madeline Zima. Remains to be seen.

57. The Shrouds

Imagine making a movie dealing with the death of your wife and some doofus on the internet says it was fine. 

56. Megan 2.0

People didn't like that they went more comedy/action this time around. Maybe they also didn't like Terminator 2 or Silent Night, Deadly Night 2. 

 Sometimes you have to switch it up!

Best Movies of 2025 #80-68

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once again I'm ranking every movie I saw from this year, starting from the bottom. So "Best" might not be the right title at this point. I don't want to say Worst, however, and I don't feel like the onus should be on the movie. These are the Michael Made The Wrong Choice Movies of 2025.

80. Ash

I have a disability to think ahead in a movie. When someone calls a movie predictable the best I can do is, after the fact, think, "yes, I suppose it was". I have anti-anticipation syndrome. It's a problem. But I was so far ahead of Ash that I knew no animals were harmed in the the making of this movie.

79. The Long Walk

Just like two years ago the second to last movie is a horror film a lot of people like. But The Long Walk holds your hand too much in telling its story and I'm just not into that kind of PDA. I like a movie that puts its hand in my back pocket so its touching my butt but also, kinda not?

78. Death of a Unicorn

I don't know if anything worked in this movie. In fact, it's shockingly high on this list and we just started. But I like what I wrote about the Skinamarink and The Long Walk parallel so DoaU gets some bullshit grade inflation.

77. Love Hurts

I resolve to stop watching movies early in the year just to watch a current movie. The beginning of the year will now be used to catch up on older movies. Like how I watched 107 movies from the 70s this year.

76. Marshmallow

Nobody makes sense in this movie so the whole time you're thinking either there's a revelation that makes it make sense or it's all dumb. But even if there's a revelation, was it worth it to be frustrated that whole time? Huh Marshmallow, was it worth it?

75. The Naked Gun

I've seen this on some best-of lists. People say you need to see a comedy in the theater because the laughter around you will heighten the experience. I don't know, I tend to agree with Portuguese poet Fernando Pessoa who said, "The laughter of fools is the pronouncement of madness".

74. F1: The Movie

I was one of the few to dislike Top Gun: Maverick very much and now there's this. It's enough to strike fear in my heart whenever I hear director Joseph Kosinski's name, if only I could commit it to memory.

73. Clown in a Cornfield

Ha, take that Jason Kaczynski. Your movie is one marissa-michael blog unit worse than a movie called Clown in a Cornfield (to be sung to the tune of Girlfriend in a Coma).

72. AJ Goes to the Dog Park

After watching The Naked Gun I tried out this micro-budget ZAZ-type comedy. The amateur charm makes it slightly better. I amuses me that a lot of the bad reviews for this movie are from people that went to the same "mystery movie" showing thinking they might be seeing, as one person says, something like the new Jurassic World movie. It's like what Fernando Pessoa said: "Despondency follows those whose only hope is [for dinosaurs]".

71. KPop Demon Hunters

People like this too. I like to supply a second opinion so you can be informed. I had a problem with the story, animation and songs. Some people accepted those elements. 

70. Found Footage

I had a problem with The Watchers because it used the trope of someone walking away from a place only to find themselves back there. Scary[sarcastic]! This otherwise mediocre movie gets extra points for making fun of that by having the characters try different methods of beating it. In one, they try spinning in circles while walking away. It made me laugh. That makes it Movie Scene of 2025 #10.

69. Becoming Led Zeppelin

I don't have any special interest in Led Zeppelin. Neither, it seems, does Led Zeppelin. It's understandable they would be bored telling their story yet again but it didn't help sell their music to me. Someone once described skateboarding as an activity requiring the most skill for the least payoff. Led Zeppelin is the skateboarding of music.

68. John Candy: I Like Me

I'm tired of biodocs where the general tone is sadness. I don't need slow, treacly piano music in a movie about a comedian. Yes he died young but who wants a movie about someone's life that's mostly about their death? It feels like what the poet Pessoa said, "My life: a tragedy booed off the stage by the gods after only the first act". No, I mean it. I made up the other ones but that one was real!

Best Books of 2025

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You read that right, I started reading books again in 2025. And since books are the lowest art form after music, TV and film I'm going to tackle them first. 

5. The Harder I Fight the More I Love You: A Memoir by Neko Case

Neko Case's memoir is really not interested in rock and roll stories. She mentions things like releasing her first album and being nominated for a Grammy far after the fact. It's more about how she was so poor growing up she ate potato flakes out of the box for dinner.

4. Say Everything : A Memoir by Ione Skye 

I love a memoir. Sorry. I love: A Memoir. There's a point in this book where Ione Skye is dating Anthony Kiedis while making eyes at Ad-Rock, her brother Donovan Leitch is dating prettiest-celebrity-in-the-world Susanna Hoffs and her mom is seeing Warren Beatty. What is this family?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Wild Dark Shore by Charlotte McConaghy

This book keeps mentioning how cold it is but it's also constantly raining. Talk to me about cold when it's under 32 Fahrenheit, Australian writer Charlotte McConaghy.

2. Murderland: Crime and Bloodlust in the Time of Serial Killers by Caroline Fraser

The subtitle doesn't convey how this is about all the lead we poured into the atmosphere and how it causes aggression and may have led to an uptick in serial killers. How about Murderland: How Lead Led to Ted: The Bundy/Plumbum Conundrum. Why does nobody let me name books?

1. Heartwood by Amity Gaige

I read this because it involves the Appalachian Trail and I like hiking and woods. That strategy worked well so next I'm looking for a book about my second favorite thing: news bloopers.

Actually, stage productions are the lowest art form. I saw no stage productions this year. 

Best Movies of 2024 #10-1

Movies not watched in time to make the list are Nutcrackers, which very well might be the new bottom. Hot Frosty should have leaned more into it or away from it. It had a leaning problem. Evil Does Not Exist does not make the top ten. Blink was a fine documentary and Lee is not the best war photographer movie of the year.

10. Rebel Ridge

Jeremy Saulnier first appeared on this blog 13 years ago with his debut movie Murder Party at Bad Movie Night. His following movie Blue Ruin was my favorite movie ten years ago. Green Room seems to be a fan favorite. And then he made a wolf movie. Well, he's back. Seventh best scene is the opening:

9. Green Border

Not to be confused with the Green Room sequel Green Boarder, this is a very serious movie that's incredibly well-made. So I don't have to pretend to like a movie because of its "importance".

8. Challengers

A lot has been made about how Gen Z doesn't like sex scenes in their movies. So we get this sexy movie without much sex. But some harrowingly explicit tennis.

7. Arcadian

My favorite horror movie of the year that was most dismissed as a Quiet Place clone. I see it as an interesting Quiet Place tweak, like those cool alternate Sigourney Weaver clones in Alien 4.

6. Kim's Video

Others also called this documentary "a mess" and the director "annoying". That's true but the subject matter was too interesting to matter. 

5. The Coffee Table

Siskel and Ebert would say the criteria for a thumbs up was if you would recommend the movie to a friend. I wouldn't recommend The Coffee Table to anyone. The tension comes from someone having to deliver the worst news in the world that will destroy the other person. Oh, and it's a comedy. Thumbs down, I laughed a lot and was horrified.

4. His Three Daughters

I loved Carrie Coon, I loved Natasha Lyonne and now I love Elizabeth Olsen. I have so much love to give. So scene eight I'll call the laughing scene is from The Coffee Table. It's not out there right now. Scene nine is the monologue at the end of this movie that's a spoiler. To make up for the lack of videos here's a picture:

3. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

I'm not doing this on purpose. I don't mean to rock the boat. I'm nothing if not a team player. But Furiosa is better than Fury Road. 

2. Love Lies Bleeding

What else would you expect from the director of quiet, religious psychological thriller Saint Maud than a "hilarious, bloody film noir" made by "a lesbian intellectual addicted to steroids" as John Waters called it.

1. Hit Man

Richard Linklater's Everybody Wants Some!! was my favorite movie of 2016 (and it's better than Dazed and Confused, I can't stop doing this) so I wasn't blindsided by the rise of Glen Powell this year. They reteam here for a gentle rom com with some murder. Sorry Green Border, you should have had more wacky costumes. And one of the top ten movie scenes of 2024, the notes app scene:

Best Television of 2024

1. Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Is the key for good TV taking a mediocre movie and turning it into a show? Let me see, there's Buffy. And... you know I'm not coming up with anything. I needed a third example for it to be a thing. Nevermind.

2. Hacks

Hacks, of course. is based on 1995's Hackers, a movie that brought together Jonny Lee Miller and Angelia Jolie. Which is weird because Mr. and Mrs. Smith brought together Jolie and Brad Pitt. 

3. English Teacher

And English Teacher comes from the early Brad Pitt movie Cutting Class.

It's the movie that brought together Brad Pitt and Jill Schoelen.

4. One More Time

This is a Canadian show I liked that has no connections to actual show business.

5. The Bear

The Bear is a bizarre take on Babes in Toyland with Jill Schoelen and a man she started dating, Keanu Reeves. They changed the setting to Chicago from Cincinnati even though the movie has the famous song:

To bring it all around Keanu Reeves met Winona Ryder on Bram Stoker's Dracula (What We Do In The Shadows) and Winona met Angelina Jolie on Girl, Interrupted which was adapted into Ted.

Best Movies of 2024 #25-11

24. Dune: Part Two

I have no interest in Dune. It took me three tries to get through the first one. But I got sick in July so I had the 17 hours to watch those movies and you know what? Not bad.

23. Inside Out 2

I've seen the first Inside Out but I wasn't trapped in a theater having to give it my full attention like I was for the sequel so this one was better. 

22. The Greatest Night In Pop

An early leader for best movie of the year, thank god 22 movies ending up being better. It has the fourth top ten best scene of the year. After mostly ignoring Al Jarreau's contribution they finally have a section just talking about how drunk he was. No one has excerpted that on YouTube so please enjoy the video for Mornin' instead:

21. Flipside

A documentary made up of failed documentaries to make a documentary about unrealized potential. Or maybe it's about Flipsiders, an 80s toy I really liked.

20. Deadpool & Wolverine

People complain about the jokes in the Avengers movies being forced but these movies should be all jokes because really, who cares?

19. Speak No Evil

I watched the Dutch version of this too this year and it is DARK. The American version gets a little carried away with the changes by dispensing with the horror and everyone just has a nice day at a botanical garden.

18. Kinds of Kindness

Part three of the Margaret Qualley trilogy. More importantly, the fifth top ten scene is a credit sequence that appears in the middle of the movie and has very little to do with what became before or after. These scenes have to come in the order of the movies but that's the best scene in any movie this year.

17. The Fall Guy

I never watched The Fall Guy. I watched Remington Steele, Cagney & Lacey, Hart to Hart, Riptide, Crazy Like A Fox, Scarecrow and Mrs. King, Moonlighting, Hunter, Knight Rider and Misfits of Science but never The Fall Guy. The sixth top ten scene is where the Fall Guy cries:

16. Monster

The second, better Monster released this year. This one was directed by Hirokazu Koreeda. Hopefully that distinguishes it enough. If a director ever releases two movies in the same year by the same title god help me.

15. Boy Kills World

The best beat 'em up movie of the year. If any movie in the future is brave enough to have realistic punching sounds where it doesn't sound like much of anything I'm putting you at the top!

14. Longlegs

Am I expected to remember every movie? I saw a lot of movies this year! It had a certain style. Maybe Fincher-y? Alicia Witt was in it. The kid from Twin Peaks is starring in movies!

13. Thelma

An action movie starring a 91-year-old so all the action scenes are about walking on uneven ground and figuring out how to close pop-ups.

12. Alien: Romulus

The third best Alien movie and I like Alien Cubed and the fourth one. I haven't seen the Predator ones. Or those pseudo-Alien Ridley Scott ones. Don't listen to me.

11. Blink Twice

I couldn't blink once keeping my eyes on this nail-biting thriller! 

Best Music of 2024

Like I said last year I don't listen to music anymore but I looked at all the best of lists and here is what caught my ear.

1. Mammoth Penguins - Here

This wasn't on any lists but I thankfully caught it. Remember I named Chappell Roan's album the best last year and then it took off in popularity. Prepare for 2025 to be the year of Mammoth Penguins.

2. Doechii - Alligator Bites Never Heal

As someone outside the music scene I have to assume songs about Nissans were all of the sudden popular this year?

and Nx Worries – 86 Sentra:

3. Being Dead - EELS

To show how out of touch I am, when I saw this on best of lists I was surprised The Eels had a hit record this year. Looking it up they merely have a record this year (it sounds fine). No, this is Being Dead. I looked for this album at the record store I used to frequent and they didn't have it so I'm cool.

4. MICHELLE - Songs About You Specifically

I don't know what this band is and I'm not looking it up. Are they a girl group? Different members seem to take turns singing a song. Is that what I think a girl group is?

5. Samara Cyn - 

Because there should be more music videos on bicycles:

Honorable mention for Brat and Cowboy Carter.

Best Movies of 2024 #39-26

39. Woman of the Hour

The best movie bringing together true crime and game shows since The Supermarket Sweep Massacre.

38. Cuckoo

A family goes to a mountain resort in the off season, with the youngest exhibiting unusual abilities. It's not the Shining, though, because this off season is in the summer. Geez, when are mountain resorts open? They're good for, like, three weeks and the rest of the time it's for supernatural activity.

37. The Substance

Another loved movie. It's very good. We're in the very good range now. But I could see this being a Tales From The Crypt from the 90s. Not a bad thing! Also, part two of the Margaret Qualley 2024 Trilogy.

36. Perfect Days

Another cusp movie that has been on best of lists last year and this year. It's about a man who cleans bathrooms, has a couple of interactions, learns more about himself and then the movie ends. It's magic!

35. The Beekeeper

The lesser action movie this year about a senior getting scammed over the internet. It still ranks pretty high so I think this might be the biggest action movie formula since Die Hard on a [blank].

34. Monkey Man

The kid from Slumdog Millionaire is directing movies. And the little girl at the end of Wax's California video has a movie with Pamela Anderson in theaters now. Show me any part of that sentence that isn't interesting.

33. Emilia Perez

The highest rated musical on my list. I'll see Wicked eventually. I just found out it's written by Winnie Holzman, creator of My So-Called Life!

32. I Like Movies

This is a two year old Canadian movie. What's the deal. Canada? I thought we were friends. Russia got it a year and a half ago!?

31. Freaknik: The Wildest Party Never Told

A large street party in Atlanta in the 90s, this documentary had to rely on footage people took at the time with camcorders. So it's 90% booty shaking. Five stars.

30. Laroy, Texas

I haven't seen anyone mention this movie, I only saw it on a list of Rotten Tomatoes movies with 100% good reviews. It makes sense, it's an easy to like, hard to love Coen-y, Red Rock West-type movie.

29. Lisa Frankenstein

Yes, it happened again. A Diablo Cody-penned horror comedy gets mixed reviews but is actually really good.

28. Mr. Crocket

Not a lot of people liked this horror movie about a killer Picture Pages-esque show.

Imagine if that was hosted by a bad man. Frightening. 

27. Maxxxine

I'd have to watch them all again but I think this is my favorite of the trilogy. Common consensus puts it as the worst. This section is becoming Michael's Horror Hot Takes!

26. Civil War

The better/worse of the war photographer movies this year. I thought this one was superior/inferior. I'm watching Lee tomorrow and this is a place holder. This has number three in the top ten scenes list, The Jesse Plemons scene:

Best Movies of 2024 #54-40

54. Monster

There are two movies named Monster this year. This is not to be confused with movies named Monster from previous years. This is not the Charlize Theron one. You'd think once a movie wins an Oscar they'd maybe own that title, unofficially anyway. But after that there was an A$AP Rocky Monster and a few others. This one is directed by Rako Prijanto.

53. Late Night With The Devil

The ultimate movie in fake TV shows on Halloween is the WNUF Halloween Special.

This one doesn't quite reach the heights of that one. It needed more fake commercials.

52. Hundreds of Beavers

People are very enthusiastic about this one. I have unearned pride that the makers are from Wisconsin. But a lot of the gags don't work. I'll repeat what I told the Skinamarink people, it's perfectly acceptable for your movie to be 70 minutes long.

51. In A Violent Nature

It was always a mystery what Jason Voorhees was doing when he was off screen.  Especially when a kill required some set up. This movie shows he just falls ass-backwards into murder.

50. Sometimes I Think About Dying

I don't know when an understated movie where nothing happens turns from boring to good. It's like magic. Sometimes I Think About Dying is magic.

49. A Quiet Place: Day One

On the other end, a movie with monsters that will kill you if you make a sound is immediately compelling. I could watch scenes of people trying to be quiet over and over again. It can't miss!

48. It's What's Inside

This is a multiple-bodies swap movie. I'm sure there was a lot of planning on how to keep it from being confusing to the viewer on who was who. I was still confused.

47. Wicked Little Letters

I could watch Jessie Buckley and Olivia Colman read the phone book but those don't exist anymore. So I'll settle for them reading rude words in this movie.

46. Babes

McMahon reaction meme: Stars Ilana Glazer. Directed by Pamela Adlon! That's it. Just the first two frames of that meme.

45. Will & Harper

There's a lot of horror movies on this list but I don't know if I was more scared than when Will Farrell and newly transitioned Harper Steele go into a rural Texas bar.

44. The End We Start From

Between this and The Bikeriders, Jodie Comer might be my Best New Artist. No, I never watched Killing Eve!

43. Late Bloomers

I watched a non-2024 film called Dual with Karen Gillan and she was great in that movie too. Best New Artist goes to Karen Gillan if I hadn't already knew her from Guardians of the Galaxy. No, I never watched Doctor Who!

42. Robot Dreams

Is Robot Dreams the best animated movie this year that features a purchased robot stuck on a beach? I don't know, I only watched the first four minutes of The Wild Robot. But a dog lives in 80s New York City in this one. That gives it a leg up. Heh.

41. My Old Ass

There's a scene in My Old Ass where Aubrey Plaza hugs Chad and it's the most touching moment in a movie this year. I give it my second top ten scene (scene unavailable).

40. The First Omen

The is the movie that bested Immaculate with it's similarness. It got me back on the religious horror bandwagon which I was so sick of. Religion isn't scary except for the real world terrifying things it does. But I'm glad it makes you more at ease. Worth it.

Best Movies of 2024 #70-55

70. Out of Darkness

There's a little bit of forest in this but not enough and I don't know if I buy the ending. Come back to me with these revisions and we can reassess, Out of Darkness.

69. Sting

This isn't about the singer but rather space spiders. Frankly I would have preferred a feature length exploration into whatever this is:

68. Snack Shack

The best part of this movie is a scene where one of the main characters falls down the stairs. Now usually that's not my kind of humor but I'm pretty sure it's real and it's the actor falling. It made me laugh so much. I don't have the clip handy but if you have Amazon Prime and go to 48:10 could you let me know if you think that's a mistake they just left in or not?

67. Femme

Do you wish the guy from 1917 was constantly going to maybe beat up the man he's seeing? Have I got the movie for you!

66. Stopmotion 

If I can't see The Primevals anywhere

this movie will have to do. The stopmotion creatures are real creepy,

65. Parachute 

I had to look this movie up more than once to remember which one it is. That might be damning but when I was reminded I had positive thoughts. So for the poster they can use: Enjoyable characters if you can recall them. 

64. Milk and Serial 

A YouTube found footage horror movie that made a splash. But one of those Olympic athlete diver splashes where it just goes 'splip'.

63. The Remarkable Life of Ibelin 

Hard to not like this documentary about a man's online life while confined to a wheelchair. Even if I didn't like it I couldn't say so without sounding like a jerk. Probably shouldn't even mention that, now I sound insincere. Look, forget the whole thing. The movie's garbage, what do I care?

62. Fanatical: The Catfishing of Tegan and Sara

Did any review of this use the lede "Everything is not awesome..." because that would be terrible and they should be ashamed. 

61. Trap

The sequel to this could be 2 Trap: Part 2 because it's a palindrome and at the same time very clever.

60. Breakin' On The One

There's a big debate on who won this break dancing battle but I still only remember The Rocksteady Crew name so I think that's the answer. This is a documentary short (45 minutes) so does it even belong in this list? Yes. I mean, it's here.

59. Brats

Watching this was the extent of my Brat Summer.

58. Road House

I think it did a good job of capturing the ridiculousness of the original. Conor McGregor was good, too bad he sucks. The line, "who taught you shapes?" made me laugh.

57. Frankie Freako

From the Psycho Goreman director, more bad on purpose wackiness. That's hard to do!

56. The People's Joker

Very ambitious for the budget. I probably missed a lot of comic book references. Lots of creative touches like bleeping someone's dead name until it's used as a weapon. 

55. The Bikeriders

My only problem with this movie is they say their Chicago-based Motorcycle club hung out with another club from Milwaukee on their way to Columbus. Was Columbus, Wisconsin a destination for any reason for a Motorcycle club? Did they mean Columbus, Ohio, which is the opposite direction from Milwaukee? I just needed some clarification. Thanks.

Best Movies of 2024 #84-71

84. The Contestant

I knew this whole story. A good measure of a documentary might be if reading the Wikipedia would be quicker and just as satisfying. Since the subject is naked the whole time the documentary wins out. Barely.

83. Riddle of Fire

This is the kind of movie you root for. It looks pretty, it's weird. Lio Tipton is in it, one of my favorite contestants on America's Next Top Model. One of the kids needs to be subtitled even though he's speaking English. Hmm, I'm making some pretty good points. Maybe I should give Riddle of Fire another shot.

82. Drive Away Dolls

Separating the Coen Brothers isolated the goofy and the gravitas. This is from the goofy one. At least it started the Margaret Qualley 2024 trilogy,

81. La Chimera

This was on some best of lists last year so it's one of those cusp movies. How about we make a rule that a movie isn't "released" until it's been out on DVD for six months?

80. Lovely, Dark, and Deep

Sometimes a review will praise the beautiful scenery in a movie which I always found strange. Really, who cares? But lately if a movie is in a forest you're half way to good movie for me. That puts this one 60% there.

79. Carol Doda Topless at the Condor

Amazon Prime really thinks I'm interested in unclothed-related documentaries now that I watched this and they don't even know about Hulu's The Contestant. 

78. Twisters

One of the few movies the whole family watched together this year. They didn't really like it. The ease in which they can find tornadoes was enjoyable though.

77. Suncoast

This and the next movie were released in those lean days of early 2024 when it was either watch this or go sledding with the children or something.

76. Self-Reliance

This was the first movie to be released this year like M3GAN was last year. That's why we were all doing that viral Self-Reliance dance last winter.

75. Don't Move

In October I was watching a horror movie a day when Netflix released this. It's a cat and mouse game where the mouse is paralyzed. A worthy entry in Don't horror movies (Don't Go In To The Woods... Alone!, Don't Open 'Til Christmas, Don't Panic).

74. Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person

I've watched so many French-language movies this year I'm pretty sure I'm fluent. Let me try: 

L'outil de traduction n'est pas disponible, réessayez plus tard.

Hey, I am!

73. The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed

Now is the time in this list for movies with very long titles.

72. Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

Even good reviews just seemed happy this wasn't terrible. I was a little less enthusiastic than that. The way they handled the Jeffery Jones problem while still making him a pretty significant character was wild.

71. The Taste of Things

I made the mistake of watching this right after seeing 1987's Babette's Feast for the first time. They both imply food is an art that brings people together but really it's just an annoying chore to get over with so you can do real things. I don't know how they missed that.

Best Movies of 2024 #100-85

Just like last year I'm going to rank every movie I saw this year that came out in said year. I went a little overboard on movies in a year people are calling "weak". But how can a year be weak? That sounds like an oxymoron if you say it out loud and don't read it!

100. Deer Camp '86

Sometimes you watch a movie and wonder if the filmmakers had ever seen a movie before. This movie is so by-the-numbers cliched that they clearly have seen a movie but should maybe consider seeing 5 or 6 more so they don't vomit out a facsimile.

99. Under Paris

I don't know how you felt about that metaphor but at least I didn't go with diarrheaing out a mimeograph. It's less elegant. Anyway, the French movie Under Paris is like vomiting out a mime.

98. The Idea of You

Hey!, a movie with stars. Anne Hathaway is great. It's directed by Michael Showalter. I guess you could say I like the idea of this movie. The best movie criticism is title references.

97. Jackpot!

Top prize does not go to Jackpot!, a similar comedy with talented people that doesn't work. John Cena is good though. Add this movie to my list of exclamation point movies I've seen:

Airplane! 

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! 

Top Secret! 

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! 

¡Three Amigos! 

Mars Attacks! 

That Thing You Do! 

Baadasssss! 

Saved! 

Anvil! The Story of Anvil 

The Informant! 

SLC Punk! 

Viva Knievel! 

Zero Hour! 

Return of the Killer Tomatoes! 

Foodfight!

Gotcha!

Great Balls of Fire!

Machete Maidens Unleashed! 

Zapped!

Eaten Alive!

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Everybody Wants Some!!

Hail, Caesar!

Mother!

Silent Night Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out!

Banned from Broadcast: Saiko! The Large Family

Salaam Bombay!

Yes, Madam!

1982: Greatest Geek Year Ever!

Jackpot!

96. Madame Web

This movie got a lot of grief this year but it didn't seem any more silly and stupid than other superhero movies. 

95. Sasquatch Sunset

Like something Philip Seymour Hoffman says Lester Bangs says in Almost Famous, "Madame Web is a drunken buffoon, Sasquatch Sunset has the courage to be a drunken buffoon." Still bad though. Except! It has a top ten scene in it:

94. Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

Rumor has it they only called in Frozen Empire so they could bring back the Slimer water ice confection.

The people won't stand for a frozen treat tie-in that's unearned.

93. The Watchers

I request we never have a scene in a horror movie where a person runs away from a place only to find themselves back in that place even though they seemingly ran directly away from it. It takes too much agency away from the character. Plus I totally know how they did that, they just went back and filmed in the original location. Cheap!

92. I.S.S.

I Suck Shit wouldn't be an accurate backronym. I.S.S. isn't an acronym but rather an initialism. Also, it's fine so maybe I'm Sanguinely Satisfactory is the renitialism.

91. Mean Girls

The best parts are when they just redo scenes from the original. I also groaned when they started singing and I already saw the videos of people not knowing it was a musical.

90. The Stranger

Something didn't seem right about this movie until I read that it was fused together from 13 parts of a Quibi series. Wait, if a 2020 series is just reassembled in 2024 did it really come out this year? A real Ship of Theseus problem. If you squint.

89. Modernism, Inc.: The Eliot Noyes Design Story

Documentaries about designers love to tell you how your life is sooooo different and you don't even know it and how you'd still be riding a bike with one giant wheel and one tiny wheel if it wasn't for some visionary genius. I've got an invention for you: It's called a Mouth Shutter and it will be elegant in its form and function.

88. Jacqueline Novak: Get On Your Knees

This is a stand-up special but it's feature length and I was interested in upping my numbers in early 2024 when there aren't a lot of movies coming out. Cheap!

87. Butterfly In The Sky: The Story of Reading Rainbow

People talk about whether a movie is "cinematic" and this is especially a problem with documentaries. BITS: TSRR would be a fine show to watch on PBS one night but you can skip the Ultrascreen DLX with Laser Projection in Dolby Atmos screening.

86. Abigail

A lot of horror movies here at the bottom. This is one horror fans seems to like. Here's the thing: I had a dissimilar reaction to it.

85. Immaculate

This might be good but I saw The First Omen first and they are very similar. Sorry, Immaculate, you get the Kick-Ass/Super prize for Good But Second (Super is better).