Best of 2017

Movies

1. Raw

I wasn't crazy about any movie this year. There was a lot of pretty good movies though. And the best movie was a French cannibal movie. If I mentioned how crazy the "waxing scene" was and you knew what I was talking about we would become best friends.

2. Good Time

I finally bought Fast Times at Ridgemont High on Blu-ray this year. So the second best Jennifer Jason Leigh movie I saw this year is this bank-robbery-gone-crazy film.

3. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

The negative fan backlash is bewildering. I know assholes use the "if everyone likes you you'ren't interesting" line but it works here for non-assholes or possibly assholes-in-denial. Criticisms: 

A. The jokes aren't funny and undermine the drama.

The jokes are funny and don't undermine the drama. Swish.

B. Smoke and Captain Phantasm were built up and nothing was done with them.

I couldn't care less about Smock beyond wondering how big he was. This was answered in the The Last Jedi. Apparently Cap Fantastic was built-up in accessory material. I don't know what that is, I don't know what she is and I couldn't care less she didn't "live up to the hype".

C. That casino planet plot was dumb.

That's fair but I'm into Star Wars for the aliens and most of the alien designs are in this section. I will be buying action figures from scenes like this madness:

4. Brigsby Bear

 I guess Mark Hamill is the Tiffany Haddish of white people!

5. Gerald's Game

For that one scene.

Limited Vinegar Syndrome Movie Night

Future Bad Movie Night

I've loathed revealing the Bad Movie Night movies before the week I show them. But since nobody looks at this blog anymore and this is the last day to post a post every year for the last eight years here we are. I don't know when or if this night will happen.

I suppose the theme here is Vinegar Syndrome limited release movies. The boutique Blu-ray company already makes small runs of obscure movies, many of them pornography, but these were extra-limited. Super-rare. Ultra-scarce. Uber-singular. Kinda-unpopular. These aren't porn, that's banned from BMN ever since Bare Behind Bars never played here.

Disconnected is compared in this 2009 review as "It’s simply a film that has to be seen... much like The Room, Raw Force, or Dangerous Men." Dangerous Men. Oops, how do I emphasize that title when it's already italicized? Dangerous Men. Dangerous Men. That movie we watched two years ago. Someone who is 6 years ahead of us has endorsed Disconnected. You still haven't seen Slumdog Millionaire so you're going to have to be deferential to randos on the Internet.

Red Mob sold out quickly and I missed it. Supposedly it's available again and I have it on pre-order. See you all in 2018!

Here's what happened two weeks ago:

Today's Movies

VCR Bad Movie Night

News of the VCR's demise was met everywhere with the same nitwit comment, "They were still making VCRs!?". Yes person new to Earth, technology continues on even after you stopped using it. Sure, seven billion people means some are more technologically advanced than you but wealth imbalance (with your dumb-luck privilege) means a vast majority trail behind you you insensitive fuck.

Anyway, I hope people come to Bad Movie Night this week. We're watching movies that haven't been released on any medium past VHS.

It's all an elaborate lie. Endless Decent comes out on Blu-ray next month. Dance or Die is available for streaming on Amazon Prime. But we'll be watching these movies on tape. I might have to adjust the tracking. The machine might eat the tape. This is how exciting the 80s were!

Here's what happened four months ago:

Returning Characters Movie Night

To ease people back into Bad Movie Night, which hasn't happened since September 12th, 2014, we're going to watch movies that have characters you've seen before. The comfort of familiarity is like a good cup of coffee or a warm friend.

Gretta, which will only come up on IMDB if you search for The Dark Side to Love and is also known as The Death Wish Club apparently, is one of the movies cut up to form one of the anthology stories in Night Train to Terror. Did someone say Night Train to Terror?



Gretta was written by the guy that wrote Night Train to Terror, BMN bigfoot movie Cry Wilderness, covered for blacklisted writer Bernard Gordon on BMN movie Day of the Triffids and won an Oscar for the Spencer Tracy movie Broken Lance. What is this guy's deal? He sounds awesome. Oh, his name was Philip Yordan.

Gone With The Pope is the follow up to Duke Mitchell's Massacre Mafia Style (Like Father, Like Son on IMDB and also known as The Executioner apparently). It wasn't supposed to ever come out on home video so I went to see it through UW Cinematheque a year and a half ago. It was pretty good! Ring! Ring! Hello? Hi!, I'm an endorsement.

Here's what happened seven months ago:

Best of 2014

Movies



1. Cold In July

Honestly I'd have to watch Cold In July and Blue Ruin again to determine which was better. And then I'd have to watch again, in reverse order, months later on a day with the same weather, daylight and food/water satiation just to be fair. I don't have time for that shit so the top spot goes to Cold In July. 

2. Blue Ruin

Because the whole time I was watching Cold In July I was thinking, "What the garbage shit?, there's a movie better than GD (which stands for God Damn) Blue Ruin after I was already convinced it was the MF'ing (Malleable Foofarahing) best movie of the year. Is this some Tara Lipinski beating Michelle Kwan in the 1998 Winter Olympics because of skating order BS (Best Skating)?

3. Gone Girl

Why is no one talking about Carrie Coon? Yeah you noticed Rosamund Pike, the titular star, ace follower of basic plots are you. Fine, Tyler Perry was great, despite accidentally being in the movie. But Ben Affleck's penis was barely in it and NPH didn't show any signs of Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus so this year belongs to Coon.

4. Under The Skin

Approximately a million years ago I asked Marissa for a book that was "kinda weird". She gave me Under The Skin by Michel Faber. When I heard they were making a movie I couldn't wait to see the pig people. They changed it so much there weren't pig people. Still good though!

5. Guardians of the Galaxy

This year belongs to Coon.




Television




1. Rick and Morty

Hearing that Community's Dan Harmon created a cartoon with Justin Roiland and wrote for it while he was fired from Community made me think, "Oh great, a side project. That could be good. Oh, by the way: I know this is your internal thoughts but I thought it may be important to point out that this sentiment is sincere and not sarcastic". Well, those well-qualified opinions severely underestimated this Marty McFly/Doc Brown re-imagining.

2. Broad City

I've already seen people's uncomprehending comments about Broad City being so highly praised. I totally understand. Not in a patronizing "you don't get it" way but in a "I don't know why I get it" way. It was just really fucking funny.

3. Fargo

Everything people saw in True Detective that was actually garbage the writer thought was some deep shit people were going to freak over, Fargo delivered with humor, finesse and non-McConaissance speed-bumping.

4. Nathan For You

Dumb Starbucks was the best episode of any show this year. Not least of all because it was the most anticipated show this side of The Puppy Episode that actually lived up to the hype.

5. Girls

The funniest season of Girls bored some critics because they have to write essays about television. That's how they live.

Songs

1. Wait For A Minute - tUnE-yArDs



2. Lariat - Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks



Also wins for best album.

3. Shake It Off - Taylor Swift



Taylor Swift's hum face looks like an adorable bat.



4. All About That Bass - Meghan Trainor



I've read people complaining about "skinny-shaming" in this song. Isn't that like male privilege? Yeah, sure, you might have a point there. But you should probably shut the fuck up about it.

5. I'm Not Part of Me - Cloud Nothings




Books



1. King Dork Tentatively - Frank Portman

I just found out a couple of weeks ago this sequel to one of my favorite books existed. So, in all honesty, I haven't finished it. But unless the last chapters were randomly typed by a monkey it's probably great.

2. This One Summer - Mariko Tamaki
3. A Few Seconds of Radiant Filmstrip: A Memoir of Seventh Grade - Kevin Brockmeier
4. Andre the Giant: Life and Legend - Box Brown
5. Live From New York: The Complete, Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live as Told by Its Stars, Writers, and Guests - James Andrew Miller and Tom Shales

Podcasts



1. Harmontown

They made a movie of this podcast:



2. You Talkin U2 To Me?

Part of the joke about this podcast about U2 is that it's barely about U2. The other part is that the hosts Adam Scott and Scott Aukerman really love U2 and their enthusiasm is contagious. I still don't like U2.

3. Stop Podcasting Yourself
4. How Did This Get Made?
5. Serial

Have you heard about it?