Today's Movies

Christian Movie Night

Besides, maybe, the strong pro-Christian message of Blood Freak



we haven't seen a true Christian movie at Bad Movie Night. Sure the kids that have per-marital sex usually die, Satan has made appearances and we watched a movie about an aborted fetus coming back to kill everyone at the clinic but... Hmm, come to think of it, Black Devil Doll From Hell was pretty religious. Then again I was afraid it would turn into pornography at any moment the first time I watched it. Neil Breen was certainly some sort of intergalactic monster version of Jesus in I Am Here.... Now.



But, as I was typing, these are the first for-Christians, by-Christians movies at BMN.

Which is weird it took this long. If I could list my influences in starting BMN they would be 1.) Watching Troll 2 for the first time 2.) That time Killer Klowns From Outer Space was on TV at Mad Planet in Milwaukee and 3.) Watching WVCY-TV, Milwaukee's Christian channel, while in college. They would show the funniest movies. That and Pagan Invasion



were the best. Unfortunately, they're pretty hard to come by. Fireproof is one of those religious movies that opened in mainstream theaters seemingly out of nowhere unless it was pitched to you in church. See current offering Heaven is For Real.



Second Glance is more like what I saw on WVCY. In fact I think I did see it. This is what you did in college, right?

Here's what happened two weeks ago:

Carpenter/Ho Down Movie Night

I've been hyping a showdown between directors John Carpenter and Godfrey Ho for 10 months, if mentioning it once counts as hype. So the demand has reached a fever pitch. Wait, no. You guys just wanted to watch Fever Pitch? My bag.



Both men were born in 1948 and both men made their first movie in 1973. Carpenter's Dark Star, which was released nationwide in 1974, is co-written and stars Dan O'Bannon, writer of Alien and director of The Return of the Living Dead.

Ninja Champion has, I can't exactly say "stars", Godfrey Ho favorite Richard Harrison. That makes this the 7th appearance of the man




And I'm just now realizing, with 8 Godfrey Ho movies at Bad Movie Night (who continues to be tied with Carpenter for most movies at BMN), we've likely seen some Asian actors that have appeared enough to be in the 5 Timers Club. Well I'm racist.

Here's what happened last week:

Comic Book Movie Night

I have some comments on the invite I sent for this Bad Movie Night.

"The only comic book I read when I was a kid was a Madballs tie-in." 

I've mentioned this before and linked to this list of the 5 worst comitisements. Number one is a BMN half-time staple, Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos. 

"They have yet to make that into a movie and I'm running out of patience. Please forward this to anybody you may know at the American Greetings Corporation, who own Madballs for some reason."

 They also own the Care Bears which explains this crossover:

 

"We lost Lorenzo Semple Jr. to eternal life last week. He wrote Batman: The Movie, which was made to launch the TV series, which Semple developed"

Obituary here. Semple, who by the way took his father's name (in that his real name is Lorenzo Semple III, also wrote Flash Gordon from very-similar-to-tonight Superhero Movie Night.

 "If Batman were a Madball he'd be Screamin Meemie."

"Swamp Thing is vegetable material in the form of a human. A muck-monster in the vein of The Heap"

 "or Man-Thing."

 

 "A creation that comics writers invent when they think, 'I don't know, pile of leaves?'"

Swamp Thing is our sixth Wes Craven movie, just one shy of leaders John Carpenter and Godfrey Ho. It also Adrienne Barbeau's fifth movie. Welcome!

"Swamp Thing would be Slobulus."

 

Here's what happened last week (NSFW):

Jack Attack Movie Night

No, this isn't related to the Commodore 64 game.



Or the Jack-in-the-box from Demonic Toys.



Jack Attack Night is merely about guys named Jack pummeling non-Jacks about the face and body.

The bad guy in Double Team, Mickey Rourke, is such a non-Jack his name is Stavros. Rourke made this movie the same year as Another Nine & a Half Weeks, which was minus a Kim Basinger but plus an Angie Everhart. So he may not have been in the best place at the time. Dennis Rodman, on the other hand, was just about to make Simon Sez.



So he was at career peak. By which I mean he's only had two starring roles and Simon Sez is worse than Double Team.

He was in last year's Blunt Movie:



starring Angie Everhart! And an 8-years-dead Pat Morita. Good for him.

Superfights is from the guy who wrote No Retreat, No Surrender. Which is Double Team star Jean-Claude Van Damme's first movie. It also stars professional wrestler Rob Van Dam. This is the Lincoln/Kennedy thing all over again!

Most oddly, legendary film producer, subject of the documentary The Kid Stays in the Picture



and Two-Face cosplayer



Robert Evans is credited as "Day Performer". Did he have time for that? That year he was producing the movie Jade with... Oh my god. Angie Everhart! What is happening!?!

Here's what happened two weeks ago:

Yesterday's Movie

Force Movie Night

There's no Bad Movie Night this week so I thought I'd catch up on one from last month. It was Movies Ending In Force Night (Vengeance Is Mine is AKA Death Force) and the force was with us that day. Millennium falcon, Alderaan, Mynocks.

Oh hey, since Star Wars came up organically, Megaforce isn't like Star Wars at all. But it certainly exists because of it. A 1982 sci-fi/action movie, it tried to capture the same Star Wars audience as that year's Forbidden World and Nightbeast. But it was also the tail end of the trend. The same year saw more mature sci-fi like Blade Runner and The Thing.

The director Hal Needham, who we lost to eternal life in October, directed previous BMN movies The Cannonball Run and Rad. If trends persist, get ready for the wrestling comedy Body Slam and an episode of B.L. Stryker.



Super weird Evening Shade prequel.

Death Force is directed by Cirio Santiago, who I typed about here. It's his best movie I've seen. And I've seen TNT Jackson, Hell Hole, Firecracker, Stryker, Caged Fury, Future Hunters, Eye of the Eagle, Nam Angels, Behind Enemy Lines, Beyond the Call of Duty. Live by the Fist and probably more. Who can keep track of generic titles like Operation Impossible, Once Upon a Time, Impossible Dream, Naked Vengeance, Kill Zone and One Man Army. If you have the opportunity, name your movie Oily Maniac. Certainly that's not taken. Ah, crap.



Here's what happened last month: