We finally have our first acronym movie since C.H.U.D., R.O.T.O.R.V and Q don't count but H.O.T.S. and C.H.O.M.P.S. would. This movie has never come out on DVD and is currently out of print (is anybody printing VHS anymore?). You can only see it at my house!
Chopping Mall AKA Killbots has Dick Miller in it. I keep count of Cameron Mitchell, Clu Gulager and Linnea Quigley but not Dick even though he has been in Rock 'n' Roll High School, White Dog, Night of the Creeps and Dead Heat. Why not? Because you expect Dick Miller to be in a lot of these films. He's in everything. He's in Gremlins and Terminator and A Bucket of Blood. Dick Miller is so cool he was deleted from Pulp Fiction as the owner of the junk yard that gets rid of Marvin's body.
I also said Chopping Mall has the one student from Head of the Class you don't remember. Okay, well first there's Arvid, of course, his fat friend who was also in Better Off Dead, Robin Givens (the most famous one), Khrystyne Haje (the hottest one), the guy that was so cool he sat on his desk next to the teachers desk(!) and the little girl. He's the other one. Wait, I forgot about the Indian guy. And, oh crap, this lady:
And wait, wasn't there a slutty one? Never mind, I never watched Head of the Class.
What a world showcase of films Bad Movie Night is. Mystics in Bali (or Leák) is from Indonesia and The Boxer's Omen (or Mo) is from Hong Kong. But they both exist in the world of black magic. Also, Asia.
When people ask what my favorite bad movie is I often say Lady Terminator. MiB (not Men in Black)is by the same person. So also considering Dangerous Seductress, which has one of my favorite opening scenes ever, I really need to get my hands on other stuff this guy has done. Anybody own Selir adipati gendra sakti?
Watch out for maybe the most unusual death we've ever seen in a movie.
The Boxer's Omen will be our first Shaw Brothers movie, which took too long. They have one of my favorite intros in movies:
Which you'll recognize from Tarantino using it in front of Kill Bill:
We could do a whole month of Shaw Brothers: The 36th Chamber of Shaolin, Five Deadly Venoms, The Super Inframan, The Mighty Peking Man.
Speaking of, I want to do a whole month of Cannon Films films. American Ninja, The Apple, Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, New Year's Evil, Over The Top, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and, yes, Bloodsport. Was there ever a greater production company? In conclusion, I want this shirt.
The Wicker Man from 2006 may be the newest movie to reach the so-bad-it's-good level of movie nirvana. That is until Werner Herzog's Bad Lieutenant remake comes out. That one also stars Nicolas Cage. That guy is gold:
Start saying, "What are these fucking iguanas doing on my coffee table?" and "You don't have a lucky crack pipe?" before everybody else does.
The first ten minutes of Evil Dead II are a mini-remake so you won't be lost if you haven't seen the first Evil Dead. Maybe that also means that remake is the theme. I just found this amazing video of the MST3K guys (they come up a lot, don't they?) seemingly making fun of Evil Dead II, but really the guy who made it just took jokes from other shows. Spoilers!, it shows the first 5 minutes of the movie.
Since BMN is on September 11th I didn't think it appropriate to have a theme. That's what the terrorists would want.
Nightmare City is Italian and therefore has eight hundred different titles. Some of them are City of the Walking Dead, Großangriff der Zombies, Invasion by the Atomic Zombies, Invasion de los zombies atómicos, L'avion de l'apocalypse, L'invasion des zombies and Zombi 3: Efialtis stin poli. Some of those titles imply there are zombies in this movie but there are not. In fact, I thought a good theme would be Zombie Movies That Don't Really Have Zombies. Quentin Tarantino explains this in the first two minutes here:
Pieces would have fit in a number of catagories. College students die. That's, like, every horror movie ever. Parts: a clonus horror would have had a nice title theme thing going on. The director previously made The Pod People, which I have in MST3K form. Trumpy!, you can do stupid things:
The director would go on to make Slugs:
I forget where I was going with this. Um, in conclusion I really dropped the ball themeing Bad Movie Night this week. To compensate, next time we'll watch Hitchcock's Psycho followed by Gus Van Sant's Psycho.
DVDs Sirens - I think I already saw this on a VHS tape I got from the library. It's about nude models (some played by Elle MacPherson and Portia de Rossi) but somehow still ended up being boring.
Eden Log - "In the bottom of a cave a man wakes up next to a dead body and must escape through an abandoned, underground cemetery while being pursued by a menacing creature." Never heard of this but okay!
Kung Fu Theater collection: Kings of fists and dollars ; Amazons and supermen and Kung Fu Theater collection: Ninja Thunderbolt ; Invincible hero and Kung Fu Theater collection: Chinese Hercules ; Mantis fists & tiger claws of Shaolin - They had even more than these, which required a lot of research. I got the first one because of this:
the second one because of rollerskating ninjas!:
and the last one because Mantis Fists & Tiger Claws of Shaolin is described as a kung fu/monster movie.
Observe and Report - I hear good things. Seth Rogan haters be damned!
Star Trek - I wish this was Cloverfield 2.
Delgo - The biggest bomb with the widest release, people are saying Avatar looks a lot like it. But James Cameron can't do wrong, can he?
Sukiyaki Western Django - It's rare for the library to get a Takashi Miike film (thankfully they have Audition). I'm just disappointed it's a western.
Beyond Rangoon - I didn't get this because, really, isn't about time we got beyond Rangoon?
Last days of Left Eye - I saw this on VH1 and, yes, I'm guilty of just waiting for the ending in which the accident that killed Left Eye actually gets filmed! Then I felt terrible about myself.
The Truth About Cancer - Just watch the first sketch. Unless you're into it of course:
Heavy Metal - There's always one thing that I'm excited and surprised the library got. This is it!, the cult 1981 cartoon.
Pushing Daisies, the complete second season - The first season was just entertaining enough to keep me interested. Kind of like Lost. But unlike Lost it was cancelled when it should have been, after the second season.
Flight of the Conchords, the complete second season - I actually put this on hold awhile ago, apparently, since it's waiting for me at the library right now!
Dollhouse, season one - I don't think I'm interested. Buffy was great. But Firefly was mediocre and people go crazy over Firefly. I don't hear many people going crazy over Dollhouse.
Dexter, the third season - Ed's already ruined it but I'll watch it.
The Best of Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist
Indian Head Massage - Because navigating Indian heads is difficult terrain.
Californication, the second season
America's Next Top Model, Cycle one - Sometimes I hope DVDs were donated and weren't purchased by the library. But if there's one season to have, it's this one.
Bitte Orca by Dirty Projectors - Just as soon as I finish listening to the newest Animal Collective and Grizzly Bear I'll give this a spin! Just kidding, I'm not a hipster douchebag.
I'm Going Away by Fiery Furnaces - Or maybe I am!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Ever since I did a college themed Bad Movie Night with Final Exam and Girl's Nite Out back in May I knew I was going to do a High School theme in September. Sure it doesn't really follow chronologically but there are very few post-grad horror movies, okay? So I watched a lot of high school B-movies. Hell High, despite its name, isn't very school-y. Student Bodies is an Airplane-style parody of horror movies from 1981 that's mostly not funny. Rock 'n' Roll High School is mostly not funny and it's not even a horror movie! The AV Club posted a list of schools that might kill you that had some good ideas. Carrie's too popular. Everyone's seen Carrie, right? Same with Heathers. The Faculty is too new and I just saw it recently and I'm kind of sick of it. We've already watched a Nightmare On Elm Street. Brick would be awesome but it's not horror and you can't understand what anybody is saying and there's a no subtitles rule at Bad Movie Night since Turkish Star Wars.
But I've wanted to watch The Majorettes for awhile now. It's from the magical year of 1986. The majorettes are in high school. It's directed by the first zombie in Night of the Living Dead:
And hopefully there's some awesome baton twirling. Nothing like 8 time World Baton Twirling Champion Mark Nash, of course. I'm sure you've seen his 1994 performance like a MILLION times but what's one more:
Malibu High is kind of a dark horse in the high-school-theme running. It's not horror. It's by the father of the guy who directed Microwave Massacre, the real worst movie we've ever watched but no one remembers it because it was something like the forth movie ever. (BTW, the most recent thing any offspring of Mr. First Zombie up there did was production coordinator for the 2009 Meredith Baxter-Birney Hallmark movie Bound by a Secret.) It may be a little too porny for some people. But it's also awesome and has one of my favorite taglines ever: Every Teacher in School Wanted to FLUNK HER... But Nobody Dared!
