Today's Movie

Today's Movies

Punishment Movie Night

Punishment Movie Night, which follows a Bad Movie Night where no one showed, was last shown almost three years ago. But that doesn't mean we went that whole time with perfect (at least one in) attendance. No one came to Rat Movie Night but the following BMN was Easter-related and time-dependent so punishment was avoided. No one came to Gay Movie Night but the following BMN was our three-year anniversary so punishment was avoided. Your disinterest has been well-timed but you couldn't avoid it forever. Still, that's two-and-a-half years. Yay us.

I'm sure nobody remembers Cry Wilderness but when that movie played a BMN-goer said it was terrible. My response was to say if that's true I'm never going to show The Force on Thunder Mountain. It has everything that's "terrible" about Cry Wilderness but lingers on it for five additional minutes. Per occurrence! But I'm going back on my word since that person is no longer with us. It's not what you're thinking, they're dead.

TFOTM is like a nature documentary with no narration and human guest stars. One of the human's wrote a four-out-of-five star review on Amazon a few years ago. He says it's "a good kids' story" and the "music was as bad as the story line". I'd add the dog in it looks like Mushroom from Gremlins. Five stars!



Referring back to that last Punishment Movie Night with Ogroff and Las Vegas Bloodbath, Dance or Die takes place in Las Vegas as well. Must be something about that city that makes your movie intriguingly bad. See also: Double Down, Showgirls and The Hangover.

Dance or Die also has dancing in it, which reminds me, see Breakin' 2: Eletric Boogaloo next Thursday at 6:30 at Madison's Central Library.

Here's what happened last week:

Today's Movies

Sex Comedy Movie Night

In the last sex comedy Bad Movie Night, Supernatural High School Sex Comedy Movie Night, I proposed four categories of sex comedy: Period, Privacy, Food and Supernatural. Here's the deal: I was being facetious. There are really SIX categories of sex comedy and these movies represent the additional two.

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! belongs in the Punctuation category. See also Goin' All the Way!, Let's Do It! and The First Turn-On!!. It also, confusingly, belongs in the anti-category Not Really A Sex Comedy. It's funny. There are large-breasted women. But implying that big busts are inherently sexual is pretty offensive. And maybe the profound cleavage is a result of not being able to find well-fitting shirts. Wait, the German title is Die Satansweiber von Tittfield. Okay, it's back to being sexy. Such a beautiful language.

FPK2 is the return of director Russ Meyer, who also made Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.



Surf II's director, Randall M. Badat, isn't returning from anything. You might say he was "badat" making movies. I'll wait until you're done laughing. Oops, I forgot how reading works. Someone who is returning, for his sixth time (incredibly), is Eddie Deezen.


Laserblast
Midnight Madness
Zapped!
WarGames
Critters 2
Surf II

This time in a starring role!

Surf II does fit into the Supernatural category (it has zombies) but more accurately belongs in the Sports category. See also Hot Dog... The Movie, Jocks, Coach, The Great American Girl Robbery, Gimme an 'F' and Cheerleader Camp. Those last three only if cheerleading is a sport. Alright, seven categories: Period, Privacy, Food, Supernatural, Punctuation, Sports and Cheerleading.

Here's what happened last week:

Survivalist Movie Night

Friday's movies aren't just two scents of Right Guard Sports Stick. They're movies that include survivalists. Me, I can't go get the mail without stocking up at REI first. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense but neither do these movies.

Mountain Fury director William Dever, despite a dubious start, is still going strong in movies. Last year he executive produced Jim Wynorski's Gila!



The movie is not based on Roundy's Mountain Dew-reminiscent Mountain Fury:



See Wikipedia's list of Generic Citrus Sodas. Worst name: Mountain Moondrops. Best name: Heee Haw.

Quiet Cool stars Chris Mulkey (Runaway, The Hidden, Dragon Wars) who if he'd only been in the Twin Peaks Pilot he'd be in the Five-Timers Club right now. But Hank was in jail.



The movie furthers my fascination with Nick Cassavetes. He's in Quiet Cool and Mask and Assault of the Killer Bimbos and The Astronaut's Wife. I just can't wrap my head around it. This is just like Bob Balaban. He directed Parents and My Boyfriend's Back? He wrote Gosford's Park and the Tales From The Darkside pilot? Russell Dalrymple AND Warren Littlefield? I go lay down now.

Here's what happened last week: