Sega Saturn

The Internet has so much Nintendo crap it can be a desolate wasteland for a Sega devotee. So it's worth checking out Sonic Devouring Tales, based on the painting Saturn Devouring His Son.



Bonus! I actually saw that painting at the Museo del Prado in Madrid. That's home to my favorite painting Las Meninas:



What's your favorite painting?

The Legend of Zelda

The actress best known for her role in Poltergeist:



but known around here for her Bad Movie Night movies Anguish (Eye Trauma Night):



and Teen Witch died yesterday. Apparently she was a very early AIDS activist:



Also, this is weird.

Apocalyptic Movie Night

It's been over a year since we watched a couple of apocalypse movies. In fact, it was 12-28-08 because I was doing an end of the year/end of the world thing and we watched Zardoz:



Is January 31st anything? It's International Leprosy Day. No, that's not something. Oo, here we go. 433 Eros, the first discovered and second largest "Near-Earth asteroid" will pass by (but I'm going to say collide with) Earth on January 31, 2012. Since everyone pretty much agrees (I asked a guy) that the world will end in 2012 consider this the reverse second year anniversary of the End of Everything.


433 Eros in moody lighting.

The Quiet Earth is about the last man on Earth, who happens to be in New Zealand. This affords him a lot of time to catch and eat flightless birds. He's also naked a lot. How much more often would you be naked if you were the only one around?

Doomsday takes place in 2033 but concerns events that happened (but didn't happen IRL) in 2007. So it manages to be futuristically out of date. It also oddly sets up, like, a million things that never pay off. It's pretty much the plot to Escape from New York but instead of New York it takes place wherever Mad Max was.

Next Apocalyptic Movie Night: A Boy and His Dog starring Don Johnson and Tiger from The Brady Bunch.

Here's what happened last week:

Expensive Things I Have Found on the Internet

[Click to Enlarge]

Pod People is a pretty good episode

Kick-Ass Women Movie Night

The director of Lady Street Fighter, James Bryan, is the Francis Ford Coppola for enjoyably bad movies. And like Coppola he got his start making porn movies. Thankfully the DVD company Code Red has taken an interest in Bryan, releasing LSF, Don't Go Into The Woods... Alone! and the upcoming The Dirtiest Game. Another champion of Bryan is this book that came out a year and a half ago:



which looks amazing but it's $37.77. That's not only a weird price but a high one.

IMDB says that the star of Undefeatable, Cynthia Rothrock, is the inspiration for Sonya Blade in Mortal Kombat. Making this at least the second movie related to Mortal Kombat, the other being Master of the Flying Guillotine. Maybe we should just watch Mortal Kombat.

Here's what happened last week:

Separated at Birth

Saoirse Ronan and Kenadie the primordial dwarf

Nudie Movie Night

I can't say these movies have more nudity than others we've seen (Massacre in Dinosaur Valley would be hard to beat) but nudity is certainly the reason these movies exist and none of those other movies started with 'Hard' (except for Hard Rock Zombies). When I told a co-worker what the theme was she asked, "What about Hardbodies?" That is a good question:



She had only heard of Hardbodies due to Gilmore Girls. See what a great show that was?

Hard to Die is like Die Hard only with more lingerie inventorying. It's related to Sorority House Massacre but has flashbacks to a former Bad Movie Night movie, Slumber Party Massacre. I just found out a couple days ago that those are two different movies. Ahh flashbacks to another movie, that staple of horror movie padding.

Hard Ticket to Hawaii appeared on the now defunct Exclacomma so you know what I'm talking about.

It's going to be an arealogical autoerotical tubular boobular joy!:

awesome video!

Don't Miss Lists

Movies

Public Enemies - I need to watch Back To School again. I haven't watched it since moving here and it was filmed on campus. But that's not as cool as Fever Lake:



which was filmed on my college campus. I met Corey Haim and Mario Lopez. Unfortunately Bo Hopkins wasn't filming any scenes there. He was in The Wild Bunch!

Extract - Failed Mike Judge movies are always good.

Humpday - Alright, I'll watch your stupid movie about straight guys doin' it because it got good reviews. But "gay indie comedy" doesn't fill me with confidence. See: Go Fish and Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss.

Midnight Movies: From the Margin to the Mainstream - There's always a pleasant surprise on the Don't Miss List and this is it this month.


Music



Rewolf by Asobi Seksu - Asobi Seksu are the only band I ever went to see that when they played the "new stuff" that wasn't released yet I liked it better then the current stuff. And I liked the current stuff.

Wow, that was short!

Hello, Milwaukee

BoingBoing just posted a video from my favorite YouTuber MilwaukeeTVMadman. He puts up Milwaukee commercials from 1979-1994. I always thought if I traveled back to the 80s I would just watch TV for the commercials all day and laugh.

Bad Movie Night

I like when there's requests for Bad Movie Night and this is one of them. Whether they knew it or not, when the People demanded movies like Krull and Beastmaster they were revealing themselves to be sword and sorcery fans.

But Beastmaster is out of print and going for high prices. People realize they can't see Marc Singer's chest anytime they want and panic, spending 30, 50, 100 or 30 dollars to buy a copy.



So to compensate we're going to look at Arnold Schwarzenegger's award-winning chest instead in Red Sonja. Which will be good since we'll be in before the Robert Rodriguez remake comes out later this year with Rose McGowan as Red Sonja. Arnold is called Kalidor in this but really we're supposed to pretend he's Conan. I wish the Siskel and Ebert review of Red Sonja was still on YouTube. You could see how giddy with excitement they were about how bad the movie is.



Liam Neeson has come full circle in the sword and sorcery genre. He was in Krull (not to be confused with Kull the Conqueror with Kevin Sorbo) in 1983 and he's in the Clash of the Titans remake this year.



Crap, I could have done a '80s sword and sorcery movies that are remade in 2010 theme. Does anybody want to whip out a Krull really fast?

Here are the other movies that we watched on Bad Movie Night that were later remade:

Death Race 2000
Black Devil Doll From Hell*
The Last Dragon+
The Unborn
Motel Hell
Black Christmas
Nightmare on Elm Street
My Bloody Valentine
April Fool's Day
Teen Witch+
The Warriors+
Rock n Roll High School+
Evil Dead 2+
Red Dawn+
Hellraiser+
The Thing+
Phantom of the Paradise+
Texas Chainsaw Massacre+
It's Alive

So come to Bad Movie Night before Hollywood reimagines your future favorite movie. Although I am curious what Michael Bay could do with Winterbeast.

* Kinda, sorta. The makers of Black Devil Doll say it was the inspiration.
+ In production

Here's what happened last week: