Yesterday was Spay Day, did you spay or neuter your cat? Well, you should have. Now they might give birth to a mutant cat like the one in Uninvited and terrorize Clu Gulager. This after he already battled zombies in Return of the Living Dead, exploding parakeets in A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge, a body jumping alien in The Hidden and a bathroom monster in The Willies. And those are just the movies we've seen so far.
The movie reminds me of this recent headline in The Onion, which reminds me of my cat Turtle:
Approximate picture of Turtle.
One of the stars of Uninvited, Toni Hudson, has this strange posting on her IMDB page. It starts, "I AM SORRY TO POST THIS MESSAGE ON YOUR PUBLIC MESSAGE BOARD BUT I HAVE NO OTHER WAY OF REACHING YOU. MY NAME IF FRANCHASCA WHEELER, AND I AM YOUR LITTLE SISTER."
The director of Uninvited is Greydon Clark who made the MST3K movies Angels Revenge and Final Justice with Joe Don Baker. But I'm interested in seeing the video game sex comedy Joysticks:
It would make a good double feature with Zapped! or Screwballs.
Black Dynamite just came out last Tuesday so I haven't seen it. I haven't even gotten it yet. It looks great! If it doesn't come maybe we'll watch Disco Godfather instead. I used the word blaxplomage to describe this movie and since it doesn't come up on Google I totally coined it. This is also true of Moistploitation.
Rolling Stone named Curtis Mayfield's Superfly as the 69th best album ever. Which as far as I can tell makes it the best soundtrack album ever, beating Purple Rain by a mere three places! It's also slightly better than Physical Graffiti but not as good as Off The Wall. Also also, this list is a joke because it doesn't have Frank Black's Teenager of the Year on it. You might remember Mayfield's titular song in a commercial for that ultimate pimp car, the Mitsubishi Montero Sport. Apparently because of the movie, headlight covers are commonly known as Superfly headlights.
We're finally watching a Renny Harlin movie. He directed the money losingest movie ever, Cutthroat Island, the worst Die Hard (2) and the lesser version of Exorcist 4 (yes, there were two Exorcist 4's). He somehow made one of the better Nightmare on Elm Streets (4) though so there's hope. Deep Blue Sea stars Samuel L. Jackson a year before remaking the blaxploitation movie Shaft. It involves killer sharks but can it be better then previous Bad Movie Night movie Shark Attack 3: Megalodon?
Someone reminded me that Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) of my favorite show Parks and Recreation is totally into Deep Blue Sea:
We're watching Dolemite just in time to compare it to the remake that will (maybe) be released this year. The character of Dolemite started in Rudy Ray Moore's stand-up act:
It was ground breaking at the time to say things in your act that sounded like maybe they might be jokes but they're not and they're not funny. Dane Cook carries that tradition today. The Dolemite Drinking Game: Do a shot everytime there's a boom mike in the frame.
I was looking for a Chinese movie that had Tiger in the title for the Year of the Tiger which starts on Sunday. I read about Challenge of the Tiger and it sounded like a movie I really needed to get. Turns out I already had it (it was on the same DVD as For Y'ur Height Only). I love it when that happens. So I watched it right away and, holy cow are there no tigers in this movie. But it's great. It was retitled Gymkata Killer in an effort to make me believe it's the sequel to the best karate/gymnastics movie ever made:
The library has been good to me lately. Right now I have The Hurt Locker, Hump Day, Paranormal Activity and Disco Godfather. Here's the future in entertainment (if it's bold):
Movies
The Informant! - I watch all movies with an exclamation point automatically anyway (witness Saved!, Baadasssss!, Anvil! The Story of Anvil, Airplane!, The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!, Tora! Tora! Tora!, SLC Punk!, That Thing You Do!, Mars Attacks!, ¡Three Amigos!, Zombie Strippers! and Help!; they're almost always good) but I wanted to see this.
2012 - It got pretty bad reviews except for my favorite critics (Entertainment Weekly, Ebert) who all said something along the lines of, "This isn't very well made but God help me if it isn't fun to see things go boom, plop kerblcsh"). Travers didn't like it though. What's your problem Travers, do you hate fun? Better watch Rachel Getting Married again then.
The Invention of Lying - Ricky Gervais and Simon Pegg are competing in the British Comedians with Beloved Sitcoms Trying To Break Into American Movies um, ...athon. Does Pegg win because of Star Trek?
A Serious Man - Why have I not seen this yet?
Zombieland - I already saw it, it's great! I reorder my best movies of the year list to put it third. And it knocks Not Quite Hollywood out for having the best opening credits sequence:
Gamer - From the guy who did Crank and Crank High Voltage and those movies are craaaaaaazy. I'm going to sit this one out.
The Giant Claw - I waited for-ev-er
for the library to get this until I just got it from Netflix.
Midnight Madness - We just watched this one for Bad Movie Night. I should invite my librarian to BMN.
Precious - When ever Marissa says Raimi is precious I say, "Yeah, he's based on the novel Push by Sapphire". It's funny every time.
Bad lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans - Sooooo excited although word is it's not as crazy (or bad) as the trailer made it look.
The Women's Warrior Workout
United States of Tara - Does everyone hate Diablo Cody now? Is it the name? I'd watch anything related to Steven Spielberg unless him and Tom Hanks are doing a million hour miniseries about astronauts doing battle during WWII. Wait, that would be amazing.
Bears in our National Parks - Oh god, there's bears in our National Parks.
Good Hair, The September Issue and The Cove - Geez, I'll watch a documentary about anything.
Vermeer Master of Light - Or not. The library describes it like this:
Vermeer: Master of Light, is a visual quest in search of an answer to this question.
Big love, The Complete Third Season
Not Quite Hollywood - Even though it got bumped it's still really good and gave me ideas for BMN. NSFW trailer. In fact, the first half hour is all boobs:
Music
Contra by Vampire Weekend
My Brazilian Soul by Giselle - She's looking bad.
Lemon Incest by Charlotte Gainsbourg - Yes, I'm getting it just because she's a Gainsbourg.
Raising hell by Run-D.M.C. - Featuring their THREE top 40 hits. (This came up at trivia the other day)
February kicks off blaxploitation month! Or does blaxploitation month kick off February? Well, somebody's getting kicked and it's probably going to be The Man. I watched A LOT of these movies last month. Like, ten, and we're going to watch the top 40%.
Except Intruder isn't blaxploitation. I don't think there's a black person in it anywhere. Certainly none that have been beaten down by honky until they've had enough and start exacting their sweet vengence. Rather, we're watching it in observance of Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month. It's supermarketsploitation. Watch, you can do that with any word: Moistploitation.
Jack Hill is the exploitationest director that ever exploited an exploitable exploit. He made Coffy, Foxy Brown, The Swinging Cheerleaders, Switchblade Sisters, two women in prison movies and more! Here he is talking about his movie Spider Baby. This name generator says my blaxploitation name is Marcellus Brownstone. You?
