Happy Memorial (Valley Massacre) Day!

From the only movie that takes place over Memorial Day weekend:



From the director of Wild Rides, which is just Matt Dillon talking about roller coasters:

Superhero Movie Night

I really wanted to have a Flash Gordon/Flesh Gordon night but that was before I actually saw Flesh Gordon.



Turns out it's not so good. I mean, the characters have names like Dr. Flexi Jerkoff. But it is a hardcore porno that has been cut into a "legitimate" movie. That makes it interesting so maybe it could be a bonus third movie. As for Flash Gordon, it's a Dino De Laurentiis produced movie starring Max von Sydow. He was the priest in the Exorcist! And if you ever see the name Dino De Laurentiis on the movie you're watching you have made a good movie viewing decision. We've only seen Silver Bullet from the De Laurentiis oeuvre.

Flash Gordon is based on the comic strip that debuted in 1934. But who cares when comic strips debuted anymore. The thing you should care about is that George Lucas wanted to make a Flash Gordon movie but he couldn't get the rights. So Lucas made Star Wars instead.

I have nothing to say about Darkman even though it's really good. Sometimes that happens. You could read The New Cult Canon entry of it but that would ruin it.

Here's what happened last week:

Showbiz Horror Movie Night

It's our 200th movie this Friday so we're going to celebrate the industry that made all of this possible: show business. And by celebrate I mean denigrate because these are stories about women being chewed up and spit out like that chocolate I didn't know was coconut.

I came across the movie The Lonely Lady while reading a story about the new The Room (which was the new Troll 2). It's called Birdemic by the way and I'm going to buy it as soon as it's available. But anyway, the story said something like, "This is the most recent in a line of popular bad movies like Plan 9 from Outer Space, Troll 2 and The Lonely Lady". So I thought, what the hell is The Lonely Lady? I tracked it down even though it's never been on DVD and, turns out, it is enjoyably bad. It's more from the Lifetime movie bad than Pieces bad.

That's the 199th movie. For the 200th we're going with the queen of bad movies, Showgirls. I'm not sure it's not bad on purpose, which almost always ruins a movie (exception: Killer Klowns from Outer Space) since it's directed by Paul Verhoeven. How can the guy who made Robocop and Starship Troopers make such a cluelessly bad film? But he makes it work because Verhoeven is a genius. Kyle MacLachlan from The Hidden is in this. It's our first NC-17 movie! Sure some of the movies we've seen would have been rated NC-17 or X but this one was actually submitted to the MPAA.

Here's a list of our 102 through 200th movies:

The Legend of Dinosaurs and Monster Birds
Q: The Winged Serpent
The Warriors
1990: The Bronx Warriors
Biozombie
Street Trash
Campfire Tales
The Willies
Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
Dead Heat
The Hidden
Nightmare Weekend
Meet the Feebles
Nine Deaths of the Ninja
For Y'ur Height Only
May
Ginger Snaps
Master of the Flying Guillotine
The Machine Girl
Day of the Animals
Prophecy
Malibu High
The Majorettes
Rock n Roll High School
Nightmare City
Pieces
The Wicker Man
Evil Dead 2
Red Dawn
Mystics in Bali
The Boxer's Omen
R.O.T.O.R.
Chopping Mall
Creepers
Demons
Assault on Precinct 13
Night of the Living Dead (1986)
Plan 9 From Outer Space
Bloody Moon
Hellraiser
The Thing
American Ninja
Duel to the Death
The Apple
Phantom of the Paradise
Cannonball Run
Midnight Madness
Home Sweet Home
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge
Dawn of the Dead
Feeders 2: Slay Bells
Silent Night, Deadly Night 2
Don't Open Till Christmas
Santa Claus
Trick 'r' Treat
Drag Me to Hell
It's Alive 3: Island of the Alive
Shogun Assassin
Red Sonja
Krull
Hard to Die
Hard Ticket to Hawaii
Lady Streetfighter
Undefeatable
The Quiet Earth
Doomsday
Intruder
Coffy
Dolemite
Challenge of the Tiger
Superfly
Deep Blue Sea
Uninvited
Black Dynamite
Eating Raoul
Bad Biology
The Incredible Melting Man
Space Mutiny
Silver Bullet
The Lost Boys
The Children
Bloody Birthday
Last House on the Left
Don't Panic
Happy Birthday To Me
Wild Beasts
Disco Godfather
Invincible Super Chan
Super Inframan
Cry Wilderness
Just Before Dawn
Fatal Pulse
Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever
Caged Heat
Female Prisoner #701: Scorpion
The Lonely Lady
Showgirls

The first 101 are here. Which were the best?

Best Bad Movies
1. Lady Streetfighter
2. Pieces
3. Nightmare Weekend
4. Malibu High
5. Silent Night, Deadly Night 2

Best Good Movies
1. Evil Dead 2
2. The Thing
3. Shogun Assassin
4. Street Trash
5. Just Before Dawn

Here's what happened last week (censored but still NSFW):

Classy Women In Prison Movie Night

Caged Heat is the directing debut of Jonathan Demme, 17 years before he’d reach the heights of Silence of the Lambs before returning to the lows with Rachel Getting Married. That movie could have used a naked hose down scene. Recent Honorary Lifetime Achievement Oscar winner Roger Corman produced it. John Cale from the Velvet Underground did the soundtrack! Barbara Steele plays the evil warden:



Joe Dante made the trailer for cryin' out loud. This thing has crazy talent surrounding it. It's an okay movie. It reminds me of this exchange on Seinfeld:

GEORGE: [The Susan Ross Foundation] made this large donation to a women's prison, and I get to go down there and check it out.
KRAMER: That's caged heat.
GEORGE: Yeah-hah!

I can describe Female Prisoner #701: Scorpion using only anagrams of the title.

A Fleecer Imprisons Porno. A Fleeciness Rim Porno Pro. A Omnipresence Floor Rips. A Fierceness Or Minor Plop?

Here's what happened last week (don't watch this):



I like that song:

School Movie Night

It's about to get somewhat easier to park downtown; the college students are leaving on Friday. But we're also entering the season where overdressed kids are going to make it harder to park at Olive Garden. I'm talking about the Celebration of Matriculation, prom.

Fatal Pulse is out-of-print. I don't think it's ever come out on DVD. Which is a shame. It's one of those movies that's really funny until the comic relief scenes appear and it becomes embarassing. It stars Joe Estevez, the best Estevez! He recently offered to replace Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men but IMDB says he's currently filming Office Paranormal, Doonby AND The Voices from Beyond.

I don't need to tell you about the first Cabin Fever. You know about the pancakes and the leg shaving scene. Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever is even better. They should have called it Cabin Fever 2: Every Bodily Fluid. It was directed, and then disowned, by the hot horror director of the moment Ti West (House of the Devil). Could the guy with this IMDB profile picture make a bad film?:



Here's what happened last week: