Today's Movies

Tool Movie Night

Maybe for last week's music video theme I should have played Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" as a sort of foreshadowing. 



Or a video by Tool.



Or even MC Hammer. But that milk is spilled so it's time to look towards this Friday, when things will be too legitimate to quit.

Sledgehammer is not the David Rasche TV series



but the David Prior movie. You might remember him and his brother Ted from such movies as Killer Workout and Deadly Prey.



But Sledgehammer came first. That's right, it's before the Priors had the experience to make Deadly Prey. Imagine that. Now stop imagining, you're going to see it Friday.

Nail Gun Massacre has more gratuitous close-ups of breasts than a plastic surgery website. What does gratuitous mean? The guy credited as "Victim #1" is Jerry Nelson, the voice of the Count.



Here he is in The Great Muppet Caper making a funny joke with his real-life daughter (first 14 seconds only):



And that concludes notable people in Nail Gun Massacre.

Here's what happened last week:

Today's Movie

Music Video Movie Night

We've watched movies, documentaries, TV episodes, miniseries and a workout video. But music videos? Well, actually, they inserted a whole music video into the middle of Death Drug:



And we've seen more than one movie where a band just goes ahead and plays a song in its entirety to pad out the film. I'm listening to you Dragon Sound:



And of course this happened once:



But we've never had a whole night of music videos. This is perfect for the post-500 Bad Movie Night. No trying to keep track of the story and if you don't like what you're seeing it will change in three minutes. For the first half anyway. I'm still compiling that half but expect Mark Gormley (pictured) and a whole lot more!

Trapped in the Closet does have a story. A story filled with so many incredible coincidences it makes Crash look plausible. Still terrible, but plausible.



It also makes 1996's Crash look like it's about people that are turned on by car crashes. So, no effect.

Here's what happened last week:

Turkish Movie Night

 

Turkey and Bad Movie Night got off on a bad foot. I showed Turkish Star Wars right before Thanksgiving (Ha! Get it?) in 2008 and people hated every rock beating part of it.



It started a ban on subtitles that lasted almost a year, when I couldn't stand not showing Duel to the Death any longer.



After four and a half years, however, it's time to not only forgive and forget but to go all in with a whole night of Turkish delights.

Besides, Turkish Star Trek is more like a parody versus Turkish Star Wars' imitation. The real title is Turist Ömer Uzay Yolu'nda and apparently there's a series of "Turist Ömer" films where a man finds himself within a TV show or movie. A tourist if you will. Or as IMDB's complete plot synopsis dismissively describes it, "The Enterprise picks up a Turkish hobo."

 

Look at this list. I didn't make that list, I didn't discover it until recently and yet it reads like a 'best of' of BMN. Now look for Tarkan and the Blood of the Vikings. It comes just after Lady Terminator and just before Samurai Cop, two top ten best BMN movies ever. Here's what other people are saying:

Film Walrus: "...there was thankfully not enough [budget] to bestow any dignity or artistry upon the proceedings."

1000 Misspent Hours and Counting: "...this movie resembles an army of overgrown kids playing a madly inventive game of dress-up make-believe. Three and a half stars!"

Mmmmmovies: "...it's hard to imagine a more enjoyable bad movie than this one."



 

Here's what happened last week:

Fan Remake Movie Night

These are no mere Sweded movies.



As an aside, shouldn't poorly made, unofficial remakes be called Turkished?



These are more or less shot-for-shot remakes. The Star Wars one is made of 473 different segments. And, okay, a lot of them are Swede-ish. But as a collection it approaches the heights of the best country for remakes, United Statesed!

The Raiders one is an ambitious, 5000 dollar, 7 year project that the then 12-year-olds have since written a book about.



I haven't seen it. How are they going to do the boulder scene? The dragged behind a truck scene? The kissing scene? Twelve-year-olds are the least likely to want to kiss each other. Happy 500th!




Here's what happened last week:

Today's Movies

Dungeons & Dragons Movie Night

This was going to be Board Game Night with Witchboard and Mazes and Monsters. But then, just because Ouija boards are sold by Hasbro, are they really board games? And role playing games like the one in Mazes and Monsters don't use a board. Everything fell apart, just like how Dog's Eye View said it would.



But, from the darkness of the Shadowlands comes a glowing Celestial Monkey. Hopefully that makes sense in D and Dom.


  
Mazes and Monsters will probably be Tom Hanks' only appearance at Bad Movie Night. Although I have considered The Man With One Red Shoe. Is Bachelor Party a good sex comedy? I love The Money Pit.



When I remembered a movie where people play a D and D-type game that also has a KILLER BABOON, I knew I had my theme.

The first clincher was that Shakma has Amanda Wyss. Wyss is the female William Zabka. An actor that was in a few but iconic 80s roles. Yet she hasn't gotten the recognition Zabka has. She was the woman who broke up with Judge Reinhold in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, the woman who broke up with John Cusack in Better Off Dead... and the woman who broke up with Jsu Garcia because she was the first to be murdered by Freddy Krueger in Nightmare on Elm Street.

The second clincher is Shakma takes place in a high-rise building so it makes the perfect segue from Shivers.

Here's what happened last week: