Today's Movies

VHS box art:

Mafia vs Ninja Movie Night 2

After Friday we'll finally know who's better, the Mafia or ninjas. I've already received one vote. I'll keep it to myself until the final tally.

Terminal Force seems a bit unsung. There are no clips on Youtube. Only a few reviews online. It's IMDB has a picture of the wrong Terminal Force on it. In fact, I used that other Terminal Force for the title card because it's all I could find. That Terminal Force is a sci-fi movie AKA Galaxis starring Brigitte Nielsen, Richard Moll and... Sam Raimi!? Maybe we should watch that.



Practically the most attention our Terminal Force has received is from this site (NSFW) that keeps track of when J&B Scotch appears on screen. So I'm going to call this a BMN Original. And it belongs here. This will be our sixth Richard Harrison movie,:



the man most likely to catch Cameron Mitchell. Harrison's past BMN movies are Ninja Thunderbolt, Scorpion Thunderbolt, Ninja Terminator, Challenge of the Tiger and Evil Spawn, making his filmography pretty hard to distinguish. The best I can do is Ninja Thunderbolt had roller skating ninjas, Ninja Terminator had a Garfield phone, Scorpion Thunderbolt had some sort of snake monster, I think, Challenge of the Tiger had the best first five minutes ever (NSFW):



and Evil Spawn is by the same guy as Terminal Force. Get it?

Five Deadly Venoms is actually kung-fu, not ninjas. Does that make me martial art racist?

Stay late for:



Here's what happened last week (NSFW):

Today's Movies

Massacre Mafia Style, where the guns shoot fire and sunbathing women don't have areolas:

Mafia vs Ninja Movie Night

I've been thinking awhile about splitting a theme over two weeks. Especially when I anticipate the question, "Is this still the same movie?" during the second movie. So if someone is in a suit being all Italian-y it's the first movie. If people's mouths don't match what they're saying and they're stabbing instead of shooting, it's the second movie.

I mentioned some things about the director/star of Massacre Mafia Style (AKA The Executioner), Duke Mitchell.

Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla
King of Palm Springs
Fred Flintstone's singing voice
Real mob friends
Sequel: Gone with the Pope

He starred in the movie Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla in 1952 which has an interesting history. He was an entertainer in Palm Springs and you can hear him singing as Fred Flintstone here:



Seamless. Although the sequel to Massacre Mafia Style was filmed in the seventies, it was only recently completed and toured the country last year:



Here's the NSFW trailer:



Five Element Ninjas is another Shaw Brothers movie but, shockingly, our first one with ninjas. I mentioned my idea for helium ninjas. What other ninja element themes would be good? How about Radon Ninja who just hides in your basement and slowly gives you cancer.



Here's what happened last week:

Today's Movies

Local TV Horror Hosts

I recently asked Marissa who her local TV horror host in Philadelphia was and she didn't know. You know, the Elvira-type person who would introduce a terrible movie for the local station, usually airing around Saturday at midnight.



Mine was Toulouse No-Neck from Shock Theater, pictured above. He was actually on Saturday afternoons in Milwaukee. I didn't think there was any video of him online until I found this amazing article about how the band Badfinger was trapped in Milwaukee for months in 1982. They were reduced to playing Shock Theater and you can see No-Neck introduce the band and then join them at the end to sing "Come and Get It".



As that article says:

We couldn’t quite believe what was happening... We didn’t know what this show was or what the tone was until we saw the guy in full makeup. We didn’t know that Toulouse No-Neck was going to jump on stage to sing "Come and Get It" with us, or that there’d be dancing girls.

So I looked up Philadelphia's 80's horror host and it was Stella, the maneater from Manayunk on Saturday Night Dead.

Animated Movie Night

This theme has been a long time coming. Sure, we've dabbled in racist, Mr. T and Chuck Norris cartoons during Dairy Queen/Culver's halftime



but it's never been the main attraction. It will work well with modern day BMN. There should usually be something interesting on the screen when people look up from their conversation or iPhone.

Fantastic Planet, or as its fans call it Fan Plan, is exactly what you'd think a French/Czechoslovakian collaboration from 1972 would look like. Although it's PG it opens with a shot of a topless woman and the aliens wear clothes that have holes to let their breasts out. There's a whole lot of boobs is what I'm saying. What's more, the whole thing is pretty freaky. I suspect it would scare young children. I'm surprised it hasn't been the subject of a Kindertrauma yet. So what I said in the invite about making BMN more kid friendly was actually a tangled web of lies.

Maybe because it's Canadian (doesn’t America make cartoons anymore?) and Ivan Reitman (who was born in Czechoslovakia!) is a producer there's a large SCTV contingent in Heavy Metal. John Candy, Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy, and Harold Ramis are all voices. You may remember the South Park episode Major Boobage that aped Heavy Metal's style.

Strangely, David Fincher is trying to get another Heavy Metal movie made.

Here's what happened last week:

Today's Movies

Evil Vegetables Movie Night

We'll have a reunion of Three Kings and The Perfect Storm co-stars George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg this Friday when they're attacked by evil, killer, bad tasting vegetables.



I feel a little bad showing Return of the Killer Tomatoes! at Evil Vegetable Night. One, tomatoes are not vegetables and two, they were kind of my saving grace during the last half of Salad Month. And, frankly, we deserve to be attacked by tomatoes, if only for that Spanish tomato throwing festival. Say, that's a fun image search.



Return of the Killer Tomatoes! is rated PG so should be okay for children. The raciest sounding plot keywords are Polka Dot Dress, Bikini, Rubber Glove, Lights Turned Off, Thong, Topless Man, Shower and Wearing Ammo Belt Across Chest.



It does have an air of unseemliness due to the fact that both Congressman/not-Chandra Levy's killer Gary Condit and Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?'s Rick Rockwell are in it. In fact Rick Rockwell is the star of the following sequel, Killer Tomatoes Strike Back!



I need to add this to my collection of movies with exclamation points:

Airplane!
The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!
Top Secret!
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!
¡Three Amigos!
Mars Attacks!
That Thing You Do!
Baadasssss!
Saved!
Anvil! The Story of Anvil
The Informant!
SLC Punk!
Viva Knievel!
Zero Hour!
Return of the Killer Tomatoes!



If everyone has seen The Happening we could watch The Day of the Triffids instead. Or Gremlins 2: The New Batch. Remember the Vegetable Gremlin?



Here's what happened last week:



And how can I not include this video:

Today's Movies

It's a good sign if all I could find was VHS covers.